Cut off

[Powers76]

I was in a relationship with a 35 yr old man for 5 months. He has type 1 diabetes and his sugar runs high all the time 300-600. He is in constant physical and emotional pain... .Always angry & enraged... .He is a chain smoker and his body is in very poor health... .He has all the classic signs/ patterns of Bpd and maybe little bipolar too. He unfriended me on Facebook few times and blocked phone number once before... Every time we start getting close and he knew he had me, he'd then turn cold and be mean. I finally asserted myself and told him off, called him out... because he hurt me very badly by completely withdrawing and cold when I was having a personal crisis and needed support... .I never got angry and always made excuses for him and nurtured him. I was a doormat. Even though he cut me off before this time feels different. He has real hate for me and I've tried to email him and he has threatened to file a no stalking order. I'm not stalking just can't wrap my head around being cut off painted black. I was a saint... I have my own issues of codependency/rescuer... .He's made it clear. Never wants to speak to me again. "Leave me alone & stop bothering me" if anyone was to guess do you think he will come back around in a few months?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[MrWtn1978]

It seems likely it could be a back and forth... .I hate you... .don't leave me... .type of relationship.  In 5 months time it seems like you have had to deal with a lot of grief.  The first 5 months of a new relationship are usually a honeymoon period.  Sounds like a nightmare instead!  I am so sorry!

I'm not stalking just can't wrap my head around being cut off painted black. Trying to reason with him right now is not going to accomplish much.  He might call the cops or become physically/verbally abusive. 

Use this time period away from him to learn about yourself, strengthen yourself, and learn more about BPD.  It sounds like you're interested in continuing the relationship should he come around.  If so, be sure you're understanding the best way to communicate with him so that you don't become the doormat again - because it really isn't going to help him to play by all his rules.  He won't be happy.  You have a right to happiness as well.  Also helps to understand that BPDs do not admit fault.  They function out of a huge fear of abandonment.  They think if you discover their imperfections you will discard them, so they have to prove you are wrong and they are right.  You have to come to a point of acceptance of his inability to: reason, see your point of view, have a normal relationship, meet your needs, etc... .  Don't drown in thoughts of: If only I had done/said ______.  Chances are, it wouldn't make a huge difference anyway.

Hugs!  It feels totally unfair to be treated as evil, when you were as good as you are able to be!

[Mutt]

Hi powers76,



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I hope that you don't mind that I moved your post to the improving board. You're welcome to participate in any board that you feel suits you. I moved it to this board for a couple of reasons. A pwBPD lack impulse control and feelings are quicksilver. Splitting is a defense mechanical that protects the ego against anxiety and stress.

A pwBPD can't control splitting, they also can't see people as an integrated whole. A core criterion for BPD is black and white thinking, so for now you're split black and its a matter of time when he's going to split you white again. You can learn to weather the storm when you're split black, it's not personal to you it's something that he's going through.

[livednlearned]

It's tough what you've been through, and it's had an effect, enough to make you snap and lose your temper with him.  It's hard not to lose it when you're being treated badly.

if anyone was to guess do you think he will come back around in a few months?

It sounds like he needs space right now. Pushing on that boundary may push him away further.

Can you use this time to focus on yourself? Get yourself emotionally in a place where, if he does reach out, you have some skills and resilience to become the emotional leader.