Hello, I’m new here

[Bethor]

Hello,
I guess I’m not really quite sure how to start my first post. I am married to the love of my life going on 29 years and every day seems to bring a new challenge. Being that we were married at 20 and 18 you figure that we have grown together, but, the older we get the more we drift apart and that kills me.

  My wife’s personality changes easily, and she has a quick temper. When an argument pops up, she seems to project her attitude and anger onto me, stating that I am the one yelling, even if I was not. I thought I was going crazy until I heard from others stating that they overheard our arguments before, and she is the one yelling.

Now, I know I am 50% at fault for any argument we have and 100% at fault for my actions, but I don’t know what to do.
 
I am always wondering what she is going to say I did wrong. Was it the dishes?  Did I discipline the kids wrong? Am I breathing too hard against her neck when I try to kiss her? Like I said, she runs hot.

I have seen a cardiologist, and they told me that I’m under too much stress. I suffer from a fib, anxiety, etc., but my wife says it’s all in my head, and I need to cool down.

I really want this to work. I know leaving is the best option, but we still have 2 kids, 11 and 14. I don’t want to miss them growing up. And even though I know the best option is leaving, I feel like this is something that’s fixable.

I hope to learn and grow here so I am able to put my marriage back on track.

Sorry for the wall of text. I just don’t want to give up, and I’m running out of options.



 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[losthope1234]

Hi Bethor and welcome,

Thank you for sharing your story. Illogical blames and anger issues are something most of us with BPD partners deal with. It's very important to hold on to your own perspective of right and wrong and not get lost in the blames. This is much easier said than done. Also, we tend to yell when things escalate but most of the the time, we are the ones exhausted in the end. It is better to leave and room and let matters settle when things get heated up. Are you attempting the communication styles referred in the books on BPD? what difficulties are you facing regarding this?


When did you find out about her BPD traits? What are you doing to take care of your mental health? Share more with us if you are comfortable and we can help you with handling specific challenges you are facing..

Don't lose hope, we are here to support.