Post-divorce Repair

[wellwellwell]

I hope I've got the right category. My ex-wife and I were divorced last year after an intensely stressful decade together. She was eventually diagnosed as bipolar, but my current (great) therapist and others have persuaded me to accept that she is almost certainly BPD. I still struggle to accept this myself, odd as I know that is, but I'm on the slow path to accepting the abuse that I experienced and understanding why I stayed.

Right now, I suspect that I'm experiencing C-PTSD, which is rough. Overall, I have come out emotionally intact. I am generally a nice, funny, capable person. It's just been an experience.

I'm reaching out to support networks because I've realised that I need to share experiences with other people in similar situations to fully recover. I've struggled to build relationships (platonic or otherwise) where I have to explain why I'm vigilant or fragile, regardless of how aware I am of the the historic causes. When people have experience of abuse and the process of recovery, I make a lot of progress.

I am still looking for in-person support groups, as an important part of the trauma I experienced was the isolation, and I do not have good social support in my area. If anyone has suggestions, please go ahead.

Hops this is useful. Hello!

[vortex of confusion]

 

Welcome to the forums!

There are a lot of people here that can understand your experience. Staying with a disordered person for so long really does a number on a person. It is difficult to explain the situation to others because none of it seems to make any sense. Talking about it here or with people in real life is invaluable. I stayed quiet for a long time because I wasn't even sure if what I was experiencing was abuse or something else. I was completely confused.

I think it is really important to look at why you stayed so long. I have had to admit some painful truths about myself as well as my childhood. It is scary but I am hoping that it will pave the way for me to have a better future.

What have you been doing for you in the last year? It is so important to try to rebuild your life and find things that you enjoy and that feed your soul. It is a slow process for sure.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Triple W, Welcome!  Yes, you've come to the right board.  It does help to share your experience because, as you will find out, it confirms that you are not alone when it comes to the terrible effects of BPD on a r/s or marriage.  I should know -- I was married to my BPDxW for 16 years!  There's no particular timetable for one's recovery and everyone goes at their own pace.  I would suggest that, if you were divorced last year, it is still a relatively short period of time after a decade of marriage, so cut yourself some slack.  Suggest you focus on you and your needs.  These days, I strive to be authentic, which feels good after years of faking it in my marriage.

LuckyJim