BPD wife

[Desperately down]

Hi,

I don't really know where to start. My wife was recently diagnosed with BPD. I had suspected that he had it years ago before we got married after I was googling something like "why is she always so angry" my search brought me to the famous book "stop walking on eggshells" which matched my wife to a tee! Years passed I was pushed into more and more impulsive and financially irresponsible decisions disputed my best efforts to act with reason I was put down and accused to be the negative one every step of the way.

Now we are are rock bottom, we can't keep up with the demands of our financial commitments. My wife is still pushing in a direction which will worsen our situation and blaming me as the source of all our problems. I'm the one holding her back! Don't get me wrong I have not been the perfect husband, and their have been times where situations have brought out the worst in me. I want to help her and support her, I am just sick of being the one who is to blame for everything.

So more recently my wife started to show more obvious signs of her BPD like self harm which caused my sister in law to force my wife to seek out a psychiatrist. He confirmed the diagnosis and refered my wife to a psychotherapist. However my wife won't go, she wanted a magic feel good pill. She keeps insisting that the therapist won't give her money and therefore won't help.

I don't know what to do, the more I try the worse I make it, I have become the point in her life where everything went wrong and if I wasn't around the her life would be amazing... .I have become very ill over time and each explosion makes my health worse. There are days where I begin to think "I am getting to sick to work" yet I can't tell my wife through fear of the repercussions... .There is so much I want to say but I don't know who to say it to. I can't talk to my family through fear they will condem her and I can't talk to her family because either they make it worse by being to hard on her or they just plain ignore me.

I am seriously lost and confused. I heavily believe in the sanctom of marriage but am daily finding myself question can we ever make this work. I want to believe, I want to stay positive but if I try to express that I am beaten down with a repeatative talk of all that is wrong... .I am emotionally tired and physically exhausted... .

Help... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[doublejeopardy]

So many things are easier "read" than done--especially setting personal limits and taking care of ourselves in the middle of completely undesired marital meltdowns! I technically *understand* that my husband can't see or control his self-defeating behavior, and I know there's ways to help him relax and think things through before reacting. But he is highly alert and sensitive to any attempt to "handle" him. That makes it that much harder, right? I think we newbies have a great resource here, thankfully free of cost, to remember that we are NOT alone. As a newbie, I know I'd appreciate any pointers for setting personal limits without triggering my BP's insecurities and no-win blaming defenses. Any veteran NBP's out there who can help us newbies ease into Boundary territory without setting off all the land mines?

[Mutt]

Hi Desperately down,  



I'd like to join double jeopardy and welcome you to bpdfamily. I completely understand how it feels when you're constantly blamed for everything. One day I just thought, it's impossible that i'm wrong 100% of the time   That's when I realized that there was something seriously wrong.

You went online to try to figure out what's wrong, maybe you where looking for answers from friends and family, after all we turn to the people that are closest to us. The advice that we get usually comes from a place where that person means we'll, but it really suits someone that is non disordered. BPD is a disorder that most people don't see in public, they're directed at people that are closest to them. I'm glad that you decided to register with us, you're not alone.