BPD ex-bf flaunting his new love in my face

[Escaped]

Hello BPD family,

This is my first post here, and i could really use your support!
I just broke up with my BPD boyfriend a month ago, after dating him for a half year, although it seems much longer, since i,ve never had such a painfull, intens relationship.
I really wanna go no contact, but here,s the problem... .i can,t. Literally.
He lives only 1 minute away from me ( walking) We live on the same street.
So that means that i can,t avoid him! If i go to one of the three supermarkets where i shop... .he goes to same... .i can bump into him any time. Even worse, he literally walks past my house when he goes to the supermarket ( it,s the shortest way).
Me and my friends hang out at a bar across of my house... .he also goes there sometimes... .
His best friends, whom are friends with my friends, live across my house... .and he goes there a lot. And the also go to the same places i go to. They,re really kind though.
He walks their dog in the park across my house, so i can see him walking there. Then he gazes at my window to see if i,m there ( creepy).
So there,s literally no way to avoid him! I can bump into him any time i step out of the door. It,s been hard, trying to get through this break up and all of the pain, and it, s even harder with him around!

That, s hard enough as it is, but today, he made it even harder. My friends warned me that they saw him with a new ģirl, holding hands and looking lovey dovey... .and he brings his new " love" to the bar where i always go with my friends. He knows i always go there and especially when it,s good weather like today,  he knows that i,ll be there sitting outisde with my friends.
I went there today. My friends were sitting outside and warned me , that he was here with her... .i couldn,t see them, because i was sitting behind a corner... .i made sure that he didn,t see me. But he was there with her, my friend who sat across of me, could see him. I felt so anxious, it really hurts me. Anybody who had their BPD ex flaunt their new love in your face?

[heartandwhole]

Hi Escaped,



I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I would have been crushed to see pwBPD with a new love right in front of my face. The early stages of these kinds of breakups are so painful, I wouldn't have been strong enough emotionally to deal with it. I commend you for not changing your routine. That takes strength and self-compassion. 

How is your detachment going, generally? Regularly seeing him around, not to mention with someone else, makes it harder to let go. How are you doing with that so far?

Keep writing. Things really do get better. We're here for you.

heartandwhole

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Escaped,

I'm new on here too.  Have been in no contact for 6 weeks now, although he has made a couple of attempts to get reactions by sending messages and one suicide attempt I'm aware of only a week ago.  Only know about this because the ambulance service left a message on my phone in the middle of the night for him as he'd kept me as his next of kin.  I've had that changed now.  Threw him out of my home 3 months ago.  It's very hard I agree, but can't imagine how difficult it must be for you when you see him so often.  I too go to the same places but just not in such proximity so there's always more of a chance we won't bump into each other however the risk is always present and it plays on my mind.  Find myself looking over my shoulder so I can head in the opposite direction... .

Because I have children's services involvement through his violent behaviour I need to keep proof of the no contact from my part and anything he sends to support my family law case with my son's father too.  Which means I can see his Whatsapp profile picture.  He has just changed this to himself and a woman in a close embrace.  Very painful.  Chances are I will see them together at the supermarket some day and I dread that. 

Is there a possibility that you could find a different bar to frequent with your friends for a while?  Just so that you aren't having so many run ins with the two of them at this stage until you feel a bit stronger?  I do feel greatly disrespected to be honest to have him with someone else so soon after everything he put me through.  However I keep reminding myself this is not a normal person, but someone who badly needs that caretaker in their life and feels they cannot function without somebody in that role.  It helps me a little to feel less insulted although it's no less painful.

I wish you all the best in getting through this difficult time.  If we all stick together we can weather this storm.  The knowledge and experience on here is phenomenal so you've come to the right place to find your strength to continue going forwards and putting yourself first.

Love and light x

[Escaped]

Thanx so much for your response @Heartandwhole and @Harley Quinn! Sorry for my late reply... .
To answer your question Heartandwhole... .i,m doing oke. I actually really love my life without him, it,s so drama free!

[Harley Quinn]

Hi Escaped,

That's so great to hear.  I find myself doing something mundane then stop and realise what a pleasure it is to just DO it, without any tension, dramas unfolding and preventing me from cracking on with it, or pure anxiety about what he's doing that I'm going to have to deal with or what's going to hit me next. Walking on eggshells is an understatement.  In the case of my ex it was like walking on electrified razor wire over a pit of hungry sharks and piranhas!  To just live without that is amazingly freeing.  It's a breath of fresh air!

Keep enjoying life and appreciating it (even the mundane stuff!)

Love and light x

[Idsrvt2]

Hello and welcome! It hurts doesn't it? Feels like your heart is being ripped out. You just walk outside and can see him... .I somewhat get it

My x is my letter carrier so I see him almost daily... .it sux it hurts plus he slapped me with a false protection orsedrr...

Odysseus since it was somewhat nice I was outside cleaning out my car... .well I didn't realize he would be doing mail that early... so he saw I was there and he can't go by me to deliver yo my neighbor... .so what does he do... .he takes out his cell phone and starts texting... .in the four years ive known Andy interacted with him I've never seen him stand and text ... .so there he was standing within feet of me... .

I'm sure mine now has a new girl as no text is that important u need to reply to it right in front of me and while working I just hate it. 

They like getting a rise out of us as they are not normal... they think differently ... .normal people give space and distance they don't flaunt new girls in front of us... .I have no real suggestions as I'm dealing with this type of thing as well,