Introduction

[pyropsycho]

I posted this in the wrong place, so I'm posting it again... .

Hi there, I'm new here and still trying to figure out how to navigate this site, but I thought I'd start with a quick introduction. I'm an adult child (in my late 20s) of a borderline mother and narcissistic father. I read Stop Walking on Eggshells a few years ago and thought about joining this online community, but never really committed to it. After reading that book, I started to pull away from my mother and create more healthy space/boundaries in my relationship with her, which has resulted in a lot of conflict between us. (We had a fight about it yesterday, so I'm still reeling in the wake of that.) I've also noticed over the past year or so that my older sister has some BPD traits that are becoming more and more pronounced, so I've been pulling away from her too. My family is extremely enmeshed, so my parents and other family members have been shaming me about "abandoning" my sister. I'm just trying to find my sanity, a clear head, and a solid place to plant my feet again in the wake of all of that chaos. Any advice, resources, etc. would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome to our online family, Pyropsycho! 

I'm glad you joined us.    There will be a lot of support here, help when you hit those rough spots, and for those general times of learning and growing and seeking advice. We have a good understanding of what it seems the average person cannot comprehend, that which brings us together: having a pwBPD in our lives.  How many of us have struggled to be able to explain to our friends and other family members that the relationship we have with the BPD in our lives is tumultuous at best.

 

After reading that book, I started to pull away from my mother and create more healthy space/boundaries in my relationship with her, which has resulted in a lot of conflict between us. (We had a fight about it yesterday, so I'm still reeling in the wake of that.

This is so tough because the pull from them to hold us tight and stay enmeshed with us becomes and is an obligation for us to yield to, but then we know it is unhealthy as the journey to recovery begins. You are doing well to hold on to the taking care of you in this. Have you ever thought about seeing a T? I began in T a number of years ago to help me as I journeyed back to my FOO and those childhood years. I had no idea how much I was affected by my uBPD mom. Let me share a wonderfully helpful book to me, one which has exercises that you can work through to help you process.

Surviving a Borderline Parent

Here is another link which may help you with the current issue you are facing:

Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)

Have you taken a look at the list on the right hand side of the board? ----->> > Click on any one and it will open up into a more detailed window.
What is the most difficult part regarding your interaction with your mom yesterday?

 
Wools

[pyropsycho]

Hi wools, thanks so much for your insight and understanding. Yes, I have been in therapy many times, including for the past several months, and it has definitely helped to have an outsider validate what I am feeling and reminding me to take care of myself. However, I am moving to another state and had just terminated with my therapist the day before my mom and I had that fight! Poor timing.

Thanks for the resources! I actually own that book, but have never read it. I'm glad to hear that you found it to be helpful. I'll have to pick it back up. I own another called Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Trascend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship but also never finished it.

I'm feeling a little better now that some time has passed. I think what is usually the most difficult for me right after interactions or time spent with my mom is how bad I'm left feeling about myself and the pervasive sense of self-doubt/confusion about reality. Does that make sense? I guess to some extent that's probably how cycles of abuse work. With this fight in particular, I'm also struggling not to fall back into caretaking with my sister based on the guilt my mom has placed on me. I also feel a sense of betrayal with my sister and like I'm losing her to BPD and I'm helpless to do anything about it.