How do I make sense of stay/leave my BPD partner?

[OakStBPD]

Hey guys,

Great to join the group. My wife is BPD and we're working to get her properly diagnosed to see how severe she is on the spectrum. The relationship has caused me a ton of pain but, of course, a lot of good as well. I'm trying to figure out if she will ever be fully healthy or, if not, how unhealthy she will stay. This isn't my only consideration concerning whether to stay or go (she had an affair last year, for example) but it's a huge part of making an informed decision. After 4 years of marriage to a BPD I've learned not to trust my mind or instincts, so I'm hoping this can help to rebuild it.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome ,

Congratulations on her getting to a place where she is willing to seek out a diagnosis! That's quite a big step. With BPD though there is no guarantee that she will get better or worse. It all depends on the willingness of the pwBPD to stay in intensive counseling and to work on the things learned in counseling. THere really is no clear cut answer.

On a positive note though, you can determine how much satisfaction you will get out of your relationship for yourself. YOu can begin making changes to how you respond to her, how you communicate with her, and how you approach your whole relationship.We have a lot of great resources on the right side of the page that can teach you more about BPD and how to relate to your pwBPD.

Can you tell us a little more about what kinds of concerns you've had with your spouse? What led her to begin looking into treatment?

[Mutt]

Hi OakStBPD



I'd like to join   Tattered Heart and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us! That's good news that you're both working on a diagnosis.

I just wanted to add something, I think that it's a good idea to trust your mind and your gut but a pwBPD can distort things with what feedback that they give you, it's a good idea to get feedback from others like you and family friends to counterbalance that feedback. I'm looking forward to reading your posts.

[Radcliff]

Welcome, OakStBPD!  There are at least three ways you can get a lot out of these boards.  The first, you've already discovered -- starting your own thread and beginning a discussion on something that's on your mind or that you want to work on.  But wait, there's more  I would encourage you to start reading the threads of others and replying to them when you see some common experience or can offer advice or empathy.  Yet another way to benefit is by reading and learning with some of the excellent resources on the site, such as the LESSONS thread on this board, and the resources in the right-hand banner.  I'm looking forward to seeing more of your posts!

Wentworth