hi BPD_Anon, id like to join Ironman85 and say
Most of the time that I feel overwhelmed recently, I have tried to find a quiet space to calm down but she follows me and can't stop engaging with me (screaming, pounding on and pushing in doors I am behind, running down the street to chase me if I try to get out of the house, etc.)
i know the feeling. taking a time out when arguments are getting carried away is often a good idea; there were a lot of times when i knew my partner and i were at the end of our rope and only making things worse, and id exit the conversation, and shed run out of steam, wed both get back to baseline and then talk productively. sometimes this was impossible, either because id act on my triggers, or she would escalate. sometimes it just made her feel shutdown, and as a consequence, worse.
there is a lot to be learned from the lessons directly to the right of the board on this matter. there is a line that is necessary to walk between taking a time out when necessary, using the communication tools to head off a fight, understanding your partner and why she reacts the way she does, and in particular, you will learn about extinction bursts: sometimes our reactions to conflict, long term, are a good strategy, but our partners tend to react strongly to newly implemented methods and up the ante in the short term.
I've already pretty much given up all of my friends and hobbies, as there is no room for them in my life most of the time
what has prompted this? is it the amount of time devoted to your relationship, pressure from your wife, depression, a combination, none of the above?
