Boyfriend Too Tired to Do Anything Regarding Christmas

[CatMagic]

  . Help!  I am very upset!  My boyfriend says he is too tired to do anything after work:  No Christmas things are done, at all.  This is making me really depressed.  We were going to do things together at his townhouse.  All my Christmas things are there.   Now, when I even try to find out anything about Christmas, he stonewalls me!  NOW what?
    (BTW:  his 15-year-old daughter is involved with drugs, prostitution, etc.  So things have been a nightmare.  She is hiding in her room, because we found out everything and she is grounded.  So, the lovely Christmas I had planned with her for months is off, as she is not interested in participating.  She is also not talking to me.  She is just using her father, and was just using me.)
    I am very depressed.  No idea how to handle this.  I have just moved and my place is a disaster.
     Can anyone help?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[isilme]

It sounds like he is likely very drained and can't handle the drama with the daughter, and also feels the same - Christmas is ruined.  I am sorry.  H does not do much for Christmas except grumble and complain.  I do the decorating and make MYSELF comfortable with some reflection of holiday cheer, even if he can't/won't join in. 

Is there anything you can do regardless of him taking part to feel a little like you are celebrating?  What do YOU need to feel the season?  For me, it's the tree up.  I NEED that tree up to feel like it's really Christmas.  Can you just go decorate and do Christmas things on your own at the townhouse?  Do you feel you need his permission?  Can you do things with a church instead, volunteer, go help with a shelter, something to help you feel like you can make a difference for people who will LET you help them?

I'm sorry, this is a terrible time for drama to hit. 

[Radcliff]

CatMagic, I am so sorry to hear that your Christmas is not shaping up as you had hoped.  It can be a wonderful holiday with so many traditions that are important to us.  My Christmas has been preceded by some drama as well, and it has cast such a shadow.

I think isilme has nailed it.  Your boyfriend is in a bad spot, and won't be able to participate as you'd hoped.  Let go of the idea of having the Christmas you had planned, but be determined to do a few things that matter to you, that you can accomplish yourself, and that make you feel like the holiday has been honored, not perfectly, but good enough for you given the circumstances.

What traditions, decorations, or celebrations can you do to make the holiday better for you?

WW