Accusations

[heartbroken03]

I havent posted on here for a while, and ive been doing great. Getting my life back and enjoying everything again. I felt like i was over my BPD ex. However last night i went to visit a friend, who had been a mutual friend of mine and my ex. She told me some horrifying things that have left me reeling. Apparently during our relationship about a year ago, my ex sent our friend some pictures of her with a black eye to 'hold on to' saying that i had done this to her. I have never and would never hurt anyone! From what i can recall she fell out of bed one night (at her own house, when i wasnt there) and hit the corner of her eye while drunk.
So my question is - why would she do this, and does she really believe in her own mind that i hit her?
She also called the same friend some weeks after saying she had been assaulted at work. But never mentioned any of this to me. I am not sure what to believe of all the stories she told me of the many times she was assaulted in the past. Even when we were first together, there was a guy stalking her house and assaulting her and i dont know if any of it is true anymore! Please help!

[Harley Quinn]

That must have been very shocking to discover.  I can understand your concern.  It sounds like you have seen what is possible and so therefore will have to draw your own conclusions regards stories she shared with you when you were together.  Try to remember that what you were told and believed at the time cannot be changed.  The only thing we can control is ourselves and what we do with any new knowledge.  Does this become a setback in your healing and if so, what would be the best thing to do with this information for your own benefit?  Try not to make this about your ex and remain focused on you. 

True colours have a tendency to show themselves in the end.  I'm sure your friend wouldn't have shared this information with you if it was suspected as true, so it appears that this friend at least sees it for what it is.  Whilst it's certainly disturbing, those that know you best would be unlikely to buy into something that isn't within your character.  Do you feel uncomfortable about what else may have been said that could be damaging to you?  Or are you mostly feeling disillusioned about believing what she told you when you were together?

Love and light x

[mstnghu]

heartbroken03, I've been on the opposite end of what you experienced. My wife recently punched me in the face with a closed fist. It was more emotionally damaging than physically, but it did leave a small mark. I quickly took a picture after it happened and sent it to trusted family members who were already well aware of our marital situation.

When I confronted my wife after she did this, she completely denied that it ever happened. The incident happened about 6 months ago and she still denies it to this day. Her mom knows that she's nuts (unfortunately, she's nuts too though) and I finally let her know what happened a couple months later. My wife now knows that her mom knows about the incident and she says that her mom doesn't believe me.  I don't know what to believe at this point. I can't control what other people believe. Part of me wonders if my wife actually does believe that she didn't really hit me.

I feel your pain from the other side, but unfortunately can't offer too much advice. BPDs have a completely distorted version of reality and it's almost impossible to deal with at times.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi heartbroken,

Wondering if there have been any developments since your last post?  How are you keeping?

Love and light x