My husband has BPD

[Omina]

My husband has BPD and fluctuates from loving me to being extremely mean in a matter of minutes.
I am frustrated and need to know how I can set limits. I love him very much but I am scared that his behavior towards me could hurt me to the point of no return.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cmjo]

Hello Omnia, I understand what you are facing and the questions are hard to answer. It really helps being a part of this forum and reading stories for the other members are there are a lot of us in this situation.

Is your husband formally diagnosed and does he show any insight into his mean behaviour? How do you react when he is mean? What are the things that teigger him to behave like that?

Do you find you question your love for him when he says hurtful things to you? Yes I think you answered that last question actually in that it could lead you to the point of no return... .

I have learnt over many years to stick to my principles that I will not tolerate verbal abuse, I left him for 3 years and I then returned to live in the same house with him and our children but in separate quarters. I would like us to have a caring supportive friendship but that is all I can give unless and until he goes into therapy. At the moment he is simply at the stage of saying he has tried that and it doesnt help. So our relationship is really on hold.

But he does continue to go into rages against me and the children and the only way I can deal with it is to withdraw and protect myself and try to keep calm and happy and focused on all the positive things going on, I am very lucky to be able to have my own space otherwise I probably could not have returned. I am trying to learn the skills of validation and reducing conflict you will read about here.

[pearlsw]

Hi Omina,

A lot of us share similar issues - glad you have found us! I've found that as I've been trying to set boundaries lately my "h" keeps upping the ante and trying to find other ways to wriggle around my boundaries and assert control over me. It's hard to say the least.

Would you like to share more information about his specific behaviors and how you are responding to them? There are lot of things you can do to try to improve the situation, nothing is certain but if you feel strong and are willing to try I hope you will see good results.

wishing you well, pearl.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Omina,

WElcome

Sorry that you have been experiencing difficulties in your relationship. Many of us are in the same situation. When your H gets mean what does he do? How do you respond to him?