BPD insecurities and fears

[Yuu]

Hey guys,

So is it normal for BPD to always feel insecure and uncomfort and cry for no reason except being afraid for no reason at all? And it doesn't go away...

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[isilme]

Insecurity is a big issue for pwBPD but it's not limited to it.  Those of us in relationships with pwBPD are often insecure ourselves.

And crying and needing comfort - There are a lot of reasons someone might feel like this - it's not a BPD-exclusive type of behavior.  When I am hormonally out of whack, sick with a fever, stressed, exhausted, and/or depressed, I do this. 

How long is "it doesn't go away?"  Depression can last a long time, as can stress and other issues if they are not taken into account and addressed if possible.  Do you mean it can last for a few hours, days, weeks, or it's a long-standing many month issue?

BPD does require validation, often validation that you are not going to abandon them.  Comforting someone who is insecure about the idea you may leave them "could" be tied to BPD, but more information about the circumstances would help determine if BPD coping tools can help or maybe another approach is better.

[pearlsw]

Hi Yuu,

What do you think her insecurities are about? What are her fears as far as you know?

take care, pearl.

[Yuu]

Isilme,

I think it is a long standing issue. I mean she is always feeling like this but she hides it and when she cries she hang up because she doesn't like to cry in front of anyone.

Pearl,

I didn't know untill yesterday she said stuff like this relationship doesn't have any future and there will always be obstacles in life and we won't be able to achieve anything and we will get bored. The idea with commitment and responsibility scares her. And more things. And there are other things that I don't know about.

[isilme]

I think it is a long standing issue. I mean she is always feeling like this but she hides it and when she cries she hang up because she doesn't like to cry in front of anyone.

Again, I've not got the strongest feelings of self worth - I also hate crying in front of people as my BPD parents both discouraged unsanctioned emotions.  Since the two people who were SUPPOSED t love me and treat me well could not really do so because they are mentally ill, I find it hard to this day to accept kindness from people.  I broke down crying at work because my Secret Santa for our office was a very nice person who put a lot of thought into my gift - I was not expecting someone to actually CARE and such things overwhelm me with my poor self esteem. 

Regarding the comments of no future and obstacles - THIS sounds a bit like a pwBPD who is scared of being abandoned so why even try?  In her mind, you are already going to give up on her and leave her, so she's sad about it because her feelings are her facts and even though its not happened, even though YOU may not plan to leave her, to her, the feelings exist as if it has happened.  And she may very well push you away to "leave you first" so you can't abandon her. 

[xyz-Girl]

Again, I've not got the strongest feelings of self worth - I also hate crying in front of people as my BPD parents both discouraged unsanctioned emotions.  Since the two people who were SUPPOSED t love me and treat me well could not really do so because they are mentally ill, I find it hard to this day to accept kindness from people.  I broke down crying at work because my Secret Santa for our office was a very nice person who put a lot of thought into my gift - I was not expecting someone to actually CARE and such things overwhelm me with my poor self esteem. 

Regarding the comments of no future and obstacles - THIS sounds a bit like a pwBPD who is scared of being abandoned so why even try?  In her mind, you are already going to give up on her and leave her, so she's sad about it because her feelings are her facts and even though its not happened, even though YOU may not plan to leave her, to her, the feelings exist as if it has happened.  And she may very well push you away to "leave you first" so you can't abandon her. 

Isilme,

Something similar has happened to me. So what do you think we should do? I have tried to re-assure my exBPDbf that I want this to work and I am sure we can try it longer but then he keeps adding more and more reasons why it might not work, even tho he says he wants to be with me. Could it be that they just don't love us enough anymore? Have you ever behaved like that? It is so stressful and emotionally draining to just try to understand how everything could stop just like that.