Narcissistic mother and alcoholic father

[Loving angels]

Hi there,

I'm a lady in her forties and I'm really not sure where to start... .it all feels so overwhelming- the hurt and pain caused over the years which I have been carrying around lead me to having extreme anxiety and huge feelings of low self worth and thoughts in my head which I felt powerless to stop just mad me feel so low and tired. I battle everyday to beat the thoughts sometimes I win and sometimes they have lead me to have unhealthy traits almost self harm as it would lead me to become my own worst enemy always telling myself there's something wrong with me and looking up symptoms on the internet and finding I might have cancer Etc! Then the fear would kick in and when it was at it's worst I actually got physical symptoms and pain in my body. I now recognise this as a cry for help and I really wasn't well all due to my parents and the problems they were causing me. To the outside world I was a strong person who coped but on the inside I was a wreck who felt to hopeless and weak.
When you grow up you only ever know one mum and dad and you except that your house is the norm... here I struggle knowing where to start ... .
Im sorry I just don't know how to start the next part as so much has happened it's hard to know how to write it down... this is the hole I'm in ... .I can't move forward as I don't know how to let go... .I feel repressed and silenced

[Turkish]

Hello Loving angels,

You have a voice here among people who can relate and will support you,  so unrepress away!



Stuffing feelings isn't healthy,  as you know,  but I'm glad that you found us  

Repression is a learned behavior due to being invalidated as a child,  the emotional message being,  "your feelings don't matter," communicated both implicitly and explicitly. To dig deeper, "you don't matter,  only we do." Devastating to a child... .this can be unlearned.  We will walk with you here.

Maybe start small.  

What is your contact situation with your parents,  and what is going on at the moment which is resulting in anxiety for you?

Turkish

[Mutt]

Hi Loving angels,



I'd like to join Turkish and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time functioning I have anxiety and depression and I completely understand how tough some days can be.

I battle everyday to beat the thoughts sometimes I win and sometimes they have lead me to have unhealthy traits almost self harm as it would lead me to become my own worst enemy always telling myself there's something wrong with me and looking up symptoms on the internet and finding I might have cancer Etc!

It sounds like you want answers and you want to feel better I just want to say to be careful with diagnosing yourself have you talked to an MD or GP about your symptoms?

Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

[bluek9]

Hi Loving angels,

      I read your post, today is the 19th and I see you have not posted again. Welcome to this place. Here you will find support, care and concern, input, sharinf of ideas. I'm so sorry that you feel stuck in a hole and that you can't move forward. This is a safe place for you find your voice, share your pain. And you have already found a place to start -- when came here. Keep posting, reading other posts. You will see, read and find others who understand. I'd love to share some my story with you. Right now it's your time to check out this place.