Hi guys , thanks for taking the time to respond , I fly back tomorrow to Colorado and as nice as it’s been to spend time at home , I’m ready to get back to my other home
geez my parents are exhausting !
I have suspected my mum may be an undiagnosed BPD sufferer for the last couple of years just having done so much reading . But this trip home definitely confirmed it for me . My brother and I have had quite the bizarre upbringing at times with my mums “ oddities”. We were having a real giggle together on Saturday night regaling some stories and memories where my mum simply behaved like a fruit loop ! My mum has had treatment for her various mental health issues since she was 10 years old but the focus was always more on her phobia symptoms . The biggest one for her was a fear of sickness /vomiting and agoraphobia and those conditions were the most disabling for her . She’s also definitely been struck by the Obsessive compulsive disorder stick at various intervals in her life . I was always empathetic towards my mums various conditions and supported her , but I never quite understood or excused why she could sometimes behave in what I perceived as just plain nasty and manipulative ways . However now that I am armed with my new found knowledge and experience with BPD the pieces of the very complex jigsaw of my mum’s persona finally comes together . Eg her jealousy , paranoia and manipulative behaviors were particularly triggered whenever I got a boyfriend as a teen... .oh she would literally retreat to her room and sob her heart out if I spent any time with a boyfriends family , because she felt I was “ abandoning my own family “ , I would get called all the names under the sun , and she did the exact same things with my brother . We would get it in the neck if we didn’t call and visit frequently , and we were constantly accused of being selfish and thoughtless and uncaring etc etc . She’s also caused huge conflict in the family to the extent my dad eventually became estranged completely from his own Mum, brother and sister and had had no contact with them for 15 years . She also fell out with her own brother and didn’t talk to him for 10 years !
I now understand this pretty much all stemmed from my mum’s insecurities and fear of being abandoned .
My poor dad has had a very very rough ride over these years . He’s more angry now and impatient with my mum being so emotionally reactive and dramatic , and he retaliates a lot of the time so it just goes back and fore between them.
There is no way I’d ever say to my mum that I think she’s BPD . She would NOT take it well and I think it would likely cause a huge rift if I was to even attempt to approach it . My brother agrees . She’s 71 now too and we wouldn’t accomplish anything at all that could be positive .
Interestingly enough , my mum knows she was a horror in her younger years ! She will often refer to how much she has changed over the years and often comments about “ just how mellow “ she’s become .
She definitely doesn’t behave in such bizarre ways now , she doesn’t rage as much as she did , and while she’s still very sensitive to critisism and over reacts to the extreme , she can back down now and has been known to apologize for her rantings
she was also always very proud of the fact myself and my brother “ turned out normal “ . She loves to say “ well despite everything , look at how you have both turned out , I must have done something right , and I couldn’t have been all bad!”. And actually we have ! Probably by way of a miracle ! We are both stable and successful adults and have been lucky enough to not personally go through mental health challenges .
My poor brother and his family and my dad still have to deal with my mums challenges though ... .I get to escape !
I’ve subtly been trying to explain to my dad that validation skills would work wonders in curtailing my mums tendencies to fly off the handle.
All in all , she was and still is a good mum, albeit a difficult one
she can be very kind and she’d be there if you needed her . She’d give anyone her last penny too .
WD you asked where my daughter is with her diagnosis . We don’t talk about it very often at all these days . We did a lot at the beginning and in fact it was my DD who said to the doctor on her very first hospitalization that she though she had either bipolar or BPD.
I don’t know how open she is about it now to her friends and acquaintances as I don’t spy on her messages etc anymore . From previous spyings , I saw that she was always very open about her conditions . I don’t know if she is still as open with new friends .
I do notice she covers up her self harm scars more often than not these days .
