She's been nice..then says leave for good.. again

[dumpsterdog]

Here we go again... over the last two weeks she's been nice... she bought dinner once to tell me happy birthday... then we spent s few evenings together at her house... she was nice and even made dinner a couple times... and allowed me to store some belonging s in her garage for s few days... then dropped the bomb... saying "when you get you stuff out next week... I want you to leave for good... .it's nothing you did... .but I want you gone for good... even if I wanted to follow you I couldn't... we are going different ways"... .what am supposed to even think... advice please

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RandallUk30]

Your reply. “Ok, no worries. Probably best if we don’t contact each other as it’s clear we’re not on the same page any more, all the best.”

Seems like it was intentional just to hurt you. If she is definitely BPD I should imagine she’ll ignore you then cast her line out to reel you back in when she needs someone to Make her stop feeling lonely.

You don’t need that behaviour in your life. It’s not healthy and it will never lead to what you want. Take some time for yourself dude. Have a beer, hang with friends, go away for a weekend, work extra hours. Keep yourself active.

[Mutt]

Hi dumpsterdog,

Maybe she's testing you to see if you're going to abandon her, maybe seeing you evokes thoughts and feelings that are shameful. A "never" statement is black and white thinking, to answer your question about what to think, do as she asks and also think about what you want.

Are you trying to morph the r/s into friends or are you looking for more?

[dumpsterdog]

So... .I said... fine... I wish you well... .then I go over tonight and day... ." Are you sure... you never want to see me again after Saturday... .then she says no... .we end up sleeping together... .And the cycle starts again... .but this time I'm emotionally detached with no expectations... .and just going to be decent to her whenever and see it for what it is... .casual sex with an emotionally immature volcano waiting to explode... .  And fully condition myself to be prepared to run for the hills at the drop of a hat... ... .what else would even make sense... .

[Skip]

Dog, I noticed that you come her when times are tough, but when you are together you don't come her to learn relationship skills that can help you.

Does that seem odd to you? What's up?

Nothing changes without changes. You are reliving 50 last dates, over and over.

[dumpsterdog]

I disagree skip... .the very reason I do come here is to learn... .are you a mind-reader regarding my motives... .slightly offended.by your incorrect interpretation I my motivess

[once removed]

what else would even make sense... .

a solid game plan. if shes a volcano waiting to explode, hanging out near the epicenter and then trying to outrun it when it explodes sounds... .risky. trying to leave this at casual sex with no emotion and have only the best parts of the relationship while wearing hot gloves sounds unrealistic.

i think what would help is to post on the Bettering board and work on a more solid, more realistic game plan. theres unfinished business in your relationship. a solid game plan will give the relationship its best shot, and make for a much smoother landing if things go bad, or simply dont work out.

and youll want to stick around, and keep working that game plan, get support and perspective, because the transition, making the changes, and making them stick, wont be easy.

[pearlsw]

Hi dumpsterdog,

I notice I myself post during times of high crisis and then I am so relieved when there is a peaceful lull I forget that this part of things can often be the best time to take a step back and learn so I will be better prepared for the next time. Just something to consider, it's always good to take a close look at ourselves. We can all have blinders on!

So, perhaps we can depersonalize and deal with matters at hand?

Is what you are looking for here a casual sex sort of relationship? You meet for hookups and don't stick around for much more? Or you want to find a way to possibly have more?

take care, pearl.