BPD Fiance unaffectionate

[raiano18]

My fiancé has become very unaffectionate over the past few months. After she had our baby, I know it is common to wait 6 weeks to have interaction, but since our daughter has been born, she doesn't touch me like she used to, kiss me, hug me, even thank me. I feel like im living with a friend. We lay in bed and don't touch each other. I hate this! How can I get her to be affectionate again?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi raino18,

Have you felt comfortable to bring up the issue with her? (Using "I" statements, and avoiding blame.) What are you things you could say that would open the conversation? What would you say if you felt comfortable saying it?

The last thing you want to do, in my opinion, is apply pressure because I imagine that would make whatever is going on with her worse.

What was she like in terms of affection before?

take care, pearl.

[desperate.wife]

There's not much information here, but this can happen for different reasons. How old is the baby? Is she still breast-feeding? Maybe she doesn't feel attractive after giving birth, or is still feeling weird down there. Have you talked with her about that? What is she not thanking you for? Do you help with the baby? Does baby sleeps well, or cries a lot? Do you get up at night to change diapers or give bottle if she is not breast-feeding anymore? Maybe she is just really tired. I was tired for two years, and for few months, sex was last think I would think about. Is it really that important? Be there for her. Help with baby, with home and connection will come back.

If you are doing all those things (helping with baby and home, waking up at night... .), then you should consider that she might suffer from postpartum depression (depression after giving birth). How is she otherwise? Happy? Energetic? Is she enjoying spending time with baby? Watch carefully for signs of depression. She might need much more support and professional help.
Pearl has good questions too. Tell us more about your situation.

D.W