Worried she’s coming back

[Sirnut]

I posted a week or two ago about not looking at my ex’s FB page.

Sad to say I weakened and looked. It might have been ok except that I saw a worrying post suggesting she is thinking about rejoining my local church after many months of absence, and this has got me worried. This church is where we first met, and I was her closest friend here before she left and cut off contact.

Why would she come back? Not for me I don’t think. My guess is that she would be motivated by seeking validation with mutual friends and also saving face after the visible rift between us. On past experience she would turn up, cold shoulder me, while making a display of being friendly to everyone else. I’m speculating of course but she did something similar to this earlier in the year before the cutoff and it was hugely distressing, and I see a high chance now of this happening again

I still love her, I can’t help it, but this situation is so unhealthy I just don’t want her in my life anymore. I don’t want to run away from it by leaving the church - this is where my friends are - but I really don’t feel strong enough to see her regularly at church if there can’t be some reopening of mutual respect and courtesy between us. The whole scenario just fills me with dead and anxiety. I wish I could feel indifferent towards her but I just can’t.

This is hard. Of course it might not happen but I have an ominous feeling about it and I’m not sure how to handle it if she comes back in this way. Any thoughts or encouragement gratefully received.

[Cromwell]

I got myself roped into a tailspin at times with worry, some of it was justified - but in time I found I stopped bothering about it.

Youve been in the situation before, shes cold shouldered you - its not going to feel good at all considering the strong feelings you have about her, yet as said, she might not even come back and if she does its a case of seeing how you feel and what options there are if she does.

Her behaviour towards you might be different and more inline with what you are hoping for. She might not even come back as you said - her reasons for wanting to - no one can tell - I think this is a case of living your life as normal as possible, continue doing the things you want to do and deal with any future encounters as they occur.

Just out of interest, how do you feel in hindsight for checking her facebook and finding this out? Do you feel it is possible it was designed for you to see or more likely just part of her wider updates?

[Mutt]

Hi sirnut,

I can understand how uncomfortable that would feel if you're recovering from the break-up and you see her places where you both frequented together. I would feel really anxious if I were in your shoes.

I really don’t feel strong enough to see her regularly at church if there can’t be some reopening of mutual respect and courtesy between us

I'm non practising but I remember that there would be different sermons, Saturday evenings and then two on Sunday that could of changed. Which one do you think that she would most likely show up at? Can you go to church at a different time?

[Sirnut]

Thanks both. Cromwell I don’t think she’s posted this for me to see - more likely she’s positioning herself with mutual friends so they expect to see her. Mutt, we are a small community and there will be no avoiding her I’m afraid. Still, maybe it won’t happen. I expect I’ll know in the next week or two but it will be a nervous wait.