What happens when he comes out of this? Does he start talking and proceed like nothing happened?
I would also like to know, my "gf" has done this to me quite regularly and I want to understand (long story, check my thread if you like, [
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=330740.0] )
To
tamtam:
This seems to be an unresolved mystery, how to handle the silence, everyone says you can't do much because its out of our control and it kinda is, once its on full blast that is.
But I also want to know if anyone has had an experience with changing the pattern, as in replace the "shutting us down" response with something more "proactive"?
So far I've noticed two reasons for silent treatment: Shame and Punishment.
Shame when they feel they've done a bad thing and can't cope, so they hide and retreat.
Punishment when they feel you've done a bad thing and want you to "suffer" for it.
I'm thinking something along the lines of: we know they're hurting, they know they're hurting, and in the punishment form at least, they want us to hurt too even if it hurts them, so maybe a better "retribution" where this need for punishment (to themselves or directed to us) is met but a resolution can be achieved?
I know it sounds odd to ask "how can I be more effectively punished" but that seems to be at the core of this behavior, maybe if we could redirect it towards a constructive "retaliation" so there's not damage, but growth coming out from that so it would make for a better relationship.
thoughts?
*Edited to fix typo/missing words