Saying "No" IS hard, FHLKC, you're right about that! I think it's hard for me because I fear my DD's reaction when I say "no." I want her to understand the WHY, to nod and say, "Oh, I never thought about it that way, you're right." Needless to say, that rarely happens
In another thread you said you weren't in a good place right now. That's understandable with what you're facing, what DS is facing, you also might be wondering if DH has your back "this time."
I really encourage you to take some time for self-care. It seems impossible in times of stress and chaos, and those of us with caretaker traits are not good at it. I'm learning, with the help of my Therapist and all the wonderful people here who encourage me, inspire me.
Here's a link to a thread discussing self-care.
Better Self CareI'm coming out of a chaotic episode this morning between my DD and her paternal grandmother, so I understand not being in a good place. Keep posting, reading, learning, and supporting others, allow us to support you. It really does help to talk it out.
~ OH