BPD girlfriend, is it even possible to stay and fix us?

[StuckinaCycle]

Hi everyone, first post here...

A little background on myself: i'm 30, and my girlfriend (22) and I have been together for a little over a year. My last two relationships before this one have been with people I discovered fell into the borderline spectrum, so after moving into my current relationship my world has been turned upside down again by my girlfriend's BPD diagnosis. After my last two relationships my pattern has been the same: get depressed by her increasingly worse behavior, breakup, then put myself back together building healthy habits and focusing on myself. So when I started dating my current, I was in a good place. The relationship started off amazing for the first few months, then what I thought was just depression on her end started to kick in, there were some bad feelings from her that kept me from seeing my friends, and now over a year in the past few months have all been my walking on egg shells with her, treating this relationship and her moods like a full time job because no matter what I do or what causes her to go into a mood, she directs her aggression at me. I've done some reading about BPD, but despite going to a therapist for long enough to get that diagnosis she's stopped caring and going (she doesn't believe anything can help how she feels), and I really don't know what to do. I know that whirlwind beginnings in romance with people with BPD is a thing, but man it still felt real to me and I still love her enough to hope things can get better again rather than worse the way they have been.

So I guess I'm sharing this post to say that my relationship can't continue the way it's going. I'm being dragged into a depression by her random behavior, and I would love to hear if anyone has any similar experiences to mine and how they turned out... ? What I consider to be her "old self" still comes out now and then, but maybe for a couple of hours of the day, maybe a day or two at a time tops, and I feel my reason for staying with her come back again during those times. But it's getting worse, and no matter what I read, how I change my reactions towards her, or what mindsets I try to adopt, I just feel myself being dragged down into a breakup and feel powerless to change it. Am I wasting my time? Thanks for any responses or feedback people have <3

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[StuckinaCycle]

Apologies if my title sounded like I was posing a "should I stay or leave" question, I just saw the guideline and it isn't intended that way. I would like to hear people's similar experiences and their opinions of mine and who I'm being while trying to save my relationship so that I can determine what to do on my own.

[once removed]

Apologies if my title sounded like I was posing a "should I stay or leave" question, I just saw the guideline and it isn't intended that way. I would like to hear people's similar experiences and their opinions of mine and who I'm being while trying to save my relationship so that I can determine what to do on my own.

the question, and the choice, are yours to make. we can help you explore your options, and take the healthiest path in whichever direction you decide to go. we wont make it for you.

, Stuckinacycle

I know that whirlwind beginnings in romance with people with BPD is a thing, but man it still felt real to me and I still love her enough to hope things can get better again

whirlwind romances in general are a thing. it is what drew a lot of us into the relationship with our partners, and vice versa. its a very rejuvenating thing. but at a certain point, new challenges, adversity, and conflict rise into our relationship. both parties tend to struggle with this change, and the question is whether both parties, as a team, can overcome them.

i think its important to maintain realistic expectations going forward. relationships do not remain in a state of honeymoon. there will be glimpses, but that time where everyones guard is down, where everything comes easily, where everything brings you closer, that time has past.

none of that is to say you cant have a happy or passionate relationship. you can.

tell us more about the primary sources of conflict in your relationship with her.