Ex with BPD lies constantly. Anyone Else experience this?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello all,

This may be a stupid question but does anyone else experience constant lying from their ex BPD?  My divorce has been finalized for a few months now and since then I’ve learned about several lies she was living while we were married (boyfriend on the side for one), and since the divorce I’ve caught her lying several different times. It makes it impossible to trust anything she says. I wouldn’t care other than we still have 3 minor children. I’ve found several instances of neglect when she has them so I’m concerned that when she says she’s taking care of the kids she’s not being truthful. She’s a master at doing things in a way where no one will know.

Just curious to see if anyone else has experienced constant lying from their ex and also if you’ve experienced your ex neglecting the kids. She’s not abusive to them, just neglects them, as in won’t cook for them, won’t provide medication, won’t take them to friends, etc. Her sole focus is on herself.

Thanks for any insight you can give.

[Strugglingthroo]

Hello all,

This may be a stupid question but does anyone else experience constant lying from their ex BPD?  My divorce has been finalized for a few months now and since then I’ve learned about several lies she was living while we were married (boyfriend on the side for one), and since the divorce I’ve caught her lying several different times. It makes it impossible to trust anything she says. I wouldn’t care other than we still have 3 minor children. I’ve found several instances of neglect when she has them so I’m concerned that when she says she’s taking care of the kids she’s not being truthful. She’s a master at doing things in a way where no one will know.

Just curious to see if anyone else has experienced constant lying from their ex and also if you’ve experienced your ex neglecting the kids. She’s not abusive to them, just neglects them, as in won’t cook for them, won’t provide medication, won’t take them to friends, etc. Her sole focus is on herself.

Thanks for any insight you can give.

[Mutt]

Hi Strugglingthroo,

I find that if I say or press something that would cause my ex to self reflect, she deflects it, projects it or blame shifts because she cannot cope with an image of herself that has negative elements with it. It's the nature of the disorder. I'm sorry to hear about your kids, as a dad you naturally want to protect them and it's tough when your hands are tied behind your back. That being said what is the custody arrangement like between the both of you?

[once removed]

I’ve found several instances of neglect when she has them so I’m concerned that when she says she’s taking care of the kids she’s not being truthful.

what happened?

[Strugglingthroo]

Thank you for the replies. Our custody is technically 50-50 but the kids are with me most of the time which is fine. I know they’re taken care of that way. The neglect includes never cooking a meal, it’s either fast food or they literally fend for themselves finding anything they can or they go without, refusing to get medication my daughter needs, refusing to take them to doctor appointments, not replying to school on events, questions, etc. I can do all that but sometimes don’t even know about it until it’s over.

[Mutt]

Those poor kids. If she’s negligent and not taking them to the appointments etc I would that would look downnin that and she could lose custody. Have you thought about getting full custody?