Hey tturnipp
He has done some pretty horrendous things in his past & his childhood was hard & although the DBT is really beneficial I’m scared that they are just ignoring his reality because he comes across so well.
My dad also convinced a therapist my mom was to blame for the trouble at home. Not to say she was a saint, but he had a much bigger role than he communicated.
Is "horrendous" like lashing out towards you or the kids in any way? violence?
Is he in therapy currently? I heard they give them a number to have phone consultations between sessions, are you able to contact the therapist about this situation?
I’ve been up to visit my dad & had my own hospital appointment, went home to a lovely welcome from the kids & him just ignoring me.
The kids are smart, they know something is going on and they're trying to be there for you.
I'm no parent but I do have vivid memories of being a kid in a difficult environment, my cousin also mentioned that when she had husband problems she noticed her daughter change a little, she knew, she wanted to support her.
So be there for them, not as "hiding it" or "be all fine & dandy in front of the kids", just be a mom for them, I'm sure you love them and they love you back. Also, use the "kids time" to also have a bit of a rest for yourself, get family involved. with the funeral I'm sure there's more people around than usual, or at least opportunities to gather and have other adults take on some of the responsibility.
I really can’t bare the idea of sleeping on the couch again tonight knowing he’s upstairs really disliking me.
Can family help you with that? sleep over at their place for a night, even if just as a "kids sleepover" that you overstayed?
Just thinking out loud, what do you think?