Taking on the BPD traits of your partner?

[theuproar]

Have any of you now or historically found yourselves taking on some of the negative or less-than-desirable traits of your pwBPD? 

Lately, I have become irrevocably angry all the time, because I am brimming with resentment for her actions...  cold, distant emotionally, withholds sex, refuses to work much and contributes very little, makes poor financial decisions in general, demands me to serve her, fake claims of health problems to avoid household responsibilities, etc. 

That resentment and anger is starting to surface in destructive ways for me.  I am now making stupid financial decisions, choosing drugs or alcohol over paying bills.  I have become violent (to others, not her).  I have been dealing with intense fear of abandonment, etc.  Is it possible that I'm absorbing some of her traits?

I have historically had *some* problems with feelings of abandonment, suicidal ideation, aggression, etc., but never to the level of pathology that she has, or to the level that others here describe.  Mine has been diagnosed as a result of depression and anxiety.  So perhaps my underlying depression and anxiety creates a fertile ground for taking on more extreme habits like hers, as well?

I don't know.  Just wanted to see if that has occurred to anyone else here. 

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[Harri]

Hi.

I have seen several people here ask similar questions.  The thing is, yes, the increased stress and depression can increase our own undesirable behaviors but those behaviors are ours.  Under stress our own bad coping behaviors will come out.  That is why we focus on the tools and really understanding our own stuff and behaviors.

Have you seen this?  Distress Tolerance Skills You will see that you are not alone in the way you have been reacting.  Self care is so important so that we do not lose ourselves in the dysfunction.

See what you think of the article and we can talk about it.

[an0ught]

Hi theuproar,

a key part of the BPD dynamic is the pwBPD having overwhelming emotions invalidating the partner and then the partner invalidating back. Spirals out of control quickly - boom.

Now if you are not reacting but soaking up all this invalidation what happens is that your own emotional stability is impacted. People with too much unresolved emotions start doing stupid things - no need for BPD here. Some people are more susceptible and sounds from your past that you are  .

Check out the material Harri posted. Also consider seeking out a therapist. And keep posting about specific issues and frustrations here on the board. Writing it out can also be one useful tool to help dealing with painful emotions.

Both boundaries and validation can help you to be less of a dumping ground for toxic emotions. These skills take some practice but have long term benefits.

What distinguishes you from a pwBPD is your ability to recognize a problem and take steps in the right direction.

Hang in there and take good care of yourself