Reclaiming balls, want a bit of payback

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Over a year ago I was ghosted and discarded out of the blue by my BPD Ex Girlfriend. What hurt me the most about this was I was only ever thoughtful with her and treated her with respect. She was the waif type, always sick, posting depressive statuses on Facebook and I would always be the first to call to see if she was ok so it made the discard all the more hurtful. In the time she has been with the other person she would periodically contact me, flirting etc but has soon has I would bring up getting back together she would go quiet again. At one time I wanted her back but now I just want to get to her and hurt her like she hurt me. For the last 2 months I have been listening to Rick Reynolds work and he is all about self respect and working on yourself and am at appoint now where I don't want her back but do want a bit of payback so for 4 months since our last interaction I have been no contact whatsoever. Anyway last Friday on Facebook she sent me a wave via messenger which I did not respond to, just ignored it. In the past I would instantly wave back. She clicked on one of my pics and loved the pic, again no response. Fast forward 2 days to this Sunday and she changed her profile pic to her and her boyfriend again, the same one she used over ayear ago. Is this I suspect a bit of bait to try and getme to respond has borderlines can crave attention whether it be positive or negative ?  I was and nearly did send her a private message saying does your boyfriend know you have been trying to contact me but I decided not to and still ignore. Basically that is my question folks, do you think she is trying to get a reaction out of me . To re iterate I don't want her back but do want to give her a taste of her own medicine to reclaim my balls on this one

[Red Devil]

Over a year ago I was ghosted and discarded out of the blue by my BPD Ex Girlfriend. What hurt me the most about this was I was only ever thoughtful with her and treated her with respect. She was the waif type, always sick, posting depressive statuses on Facebook and I would always be the first to call to see if she was ok so it made the discard all the more hurtful. In the time she has been with the other person she would periodically contact me, flirting etc but has soon has I would bring up getting back together she would go quiet again. At one time I wanted her back but now I just want to get to her and hurt her like she hurt me. For the last 2 months I have been listening to Rick Reynolds work and he is all about self respect and working on yourself and am at appoint now where I don't want her back but do want a bit of payback so for 4 months since our last interaction I have been no contact whatsoever. Anyway last Friday on Facebook she sent me a wave via messenger which I did not respond to, just ignored it. In the past I would instantly wave back. She clicked on one of my pics and loved the pic, again no response. Fast forward 2 days to this Sunday and she changed her profile pic to her and her boyfriend again, the same one she used over ayear ago. Is this I suspect a bit of bait to try and getme to respond has borderlines can crave attention whether it be positive or negative ?  I was and nearly did send her a private message saying does your boyfriend know you have been trying to contact me but I decided not to and still ignore. Basically that is my question folks, do you think she is trying to get a reaction out of me . To re iterate I don't want her back but do want to give her a taste of her own medicine to reclaim my balls on this one

[loyalwife]

  Congratulations on your self care. What a difference it makes when we invest positive energy into ourselves.

To re iterate I don't want her back but do want to give her a taste of her own medicine to reclaim my balls on this one

   In order to get her back, you'd have to engage with her once again, and the chaos would begin again. Without even knowing the full story, I would say that she is reaping her actions. She's alone, or at least without you. She may have thought that she could always drag you back again and making you jealous is her weapon. Don't buy into it, stay away. The fact that she is posting pictures of herself with the boyfriend says it all. Success is the best revenge, as cliche as that may sound.  Continue to take care of yourself, put yourself back out in the world and find someone else. You are free of her, and in my eyes, you grew those balls back. When you don't contact her, she will panic. This time, you have the control and you get to choose. It's just my opinion, but getting back into the ring with this one only means trouble. Stay safe, sane and disconnected. Kudos to you.

[Lucky Jim]

Basically that is my question folks, do you think she is trying to get a reaction out of me . To re iterate I don't want her back but do want to give her a taste of her own medicine to reclaim my balls on this one

Hey Red Devil, Of course she's trying to get a reaction out of you.  When the wave via messenger didn't work, she "loved" one of your pics.  She's upping the ante in order to get you back in the game.  I'm with Loyalwife and would discourage you from engaging.  In my view, your idea of "payback" or giving her a taste of her own medicine is misplaced and likely to make things worse for you.

LuckyJim

[Red Devil]

Thanks for the replys. I think I am more angry with myself for being taken in and the person of a couple of years ago would have responded instantly to the wave and would have got angry of then posting the picture of her and her boyfriend. I'm looking at it from a different angle now. Thinking what a crappy thing to do to her boyfriend trying to flirt with me, probably what she did when she was with me. She isn't even a high class Borderline. 4 Kids, 3 different fathers, one died of a heart attack, the others are no contact. The kids were taken off her. She doesn't work, on all sorts of anxiety tablets. Dad been married countless times, Mum died young age 38, a brother killed himself, another been in prison. I could go on but I will leave that there. Not exactly a catch is she. I just felt protective over her thinking what bad luck has she was always sweet in person though the signs were there. I just get angry that I treated her with respect and compassion and she ghosted me out of the blue and now trying these games which worked before but not now. I really am indifferent to her and will not reply or react and that is going to be my revenge of sort. I don't think I will hear the last of it. Probably get a Facebook Friend Request soon which I won't accept. Do people think this is the best way to pay them back. Do nothing

[once removed]

Do people think this is the best way to pay them back. Do nothing

i think payback is attachment. it means we havent detached from the wounds we sustained from the relationship.

it takes work to heal those wounds. i think youll find that payback will not heal them.

its not uncommon, of course, to have these feelings, these desires. i did. i didnt want my ex to "get away with" what she did, and that burned me for a long time. it was an enormous blow to my ego and my self esteem.

self respect is letting go and healing our wounds. sometimes its the hardest thing to do.

[Wicker Man]

The idea of revenge after a ghosting strikes me as a Catch 22. 

Someone who would seek revenge and attempt to harm a past relationship partner is exactly the sort of person who needs to be ghosted.

A case in point I have no contact with my ex -as I feel she is capable of lashing out when in severe emotional pain.  I don't want revenge, and I sure as hell don't want to find out if she does.

I am sorry to hear you have been hurt in your relationship.  I certainly was hurt badly in mine as well -however after learning about BPD I found myself having a sense of deep pity for her.  I cannot imagine living life with an inner dialogue of self loathing and shame, of dysphoric emptiness.

Her actions during our relationship were hurtful to the point of approaching the bizarre -but I believe she was just trying to get through each day the best she could and her coping mechanisms are sadly mortally flawed remnants from her crushing childhood. 

It sounds like you are doing really well.  You have shown amazing strength in not reacting to her current actions!  Be proud of yourself -none of this is easy.


Wicker Man

[Turkish]

My ex and her beau, later husband, punished each officer, to the point of police involvement.  It took two years but it happened.  

[Lucky Jim]

i think payback is attachment. it means we haven't detached from the wounds we sustained from the relationship.

Hey RD, I agree w/once removed.  In my view, the best revenge is to be grateful that you have parted ways and to move on with your post-BPD life.

LJ

[Skip]

They were on ebay. 

What pay back would you like to exact?