I think that's what hurts a lot right now. Not many people know my side of the story. I never told anyone except my therapist and girlfriend about how she was getting increasingly physical. I've lost most of my friends as a result of our falling out. She talks about me a lot on twitter and gains sympathy from most of my previous friends. It's beyond frustrating.
I've been divorced from my exwBPD for 7 years, and to this very day she still posts things on social media about what a horrible person I am, my wife is, and even our children. She is still getting sympathy, still living in a state of perpetual victimhood. They need this to survive, apparently. They need someone else to be the scapegoat. The idea that some people out there in our little down actually believe these things used to really get under my skin. But the truth is... many people from the outside already had her pegged. I was the slowest one to come around. And more and more people are finding out over the years. I've had to do absolutely nothing to defend myself. It all just falls out on its own. I've bumped into people while out on dates with my wife, and once they realize I'm this particular person's ex-husband, their face recoils in shock and they say, "I'm so, so sorry! I don't even know what to say about that person." I smile, my wife and I look at each other, and we move on with the conversation.
My wife had a friend -two actually, at the same time- that are likely BPD. Because of my experience with my ex, I spotted it right away. It turns out one of them freaked out when she started dating me, as it triggered all of her abandonment fears. We came to find out that she had been preparing for it for a while though. When they finally had this big blowout, it came out that this friend had been telling her family and friends for over a year that her roommate (my now wife) was mooching off of her and doing all of these horrible things. All completely untrue, but she had been setting the stage to make my wife look like a horrible person for when the relationship would eventually crumble. And it did, as soon as my wife had a life outside of her. And to this day, this person still shares about the "abuse" my wife put her through, even writing these long, fictitious blog posts about it.
It's not like it doesn't bother her to know this. Of course it does. But it doesn't control us anymore. It doesn't keep us awake at night or bring us to want to defend ourselves. We thought about even suing my ex for libel and defamation of character, but what's the point? That would only entrench us with her all over again, and it would provide more ammunition for her next smear campaign about how badly she's picked on and how the world is unfair to her. In the end, what has ultimately helped is having faith... faith that eventually the truth comes out all by itself and people realize what's really going on. And I haven't been disappointed when it comes to that.
