How do I get grounded again?

[boogs152]

My partner with BPD has very fixed routines currently. He has kindly offered to drive me to and from work this week as I have been unwell. Last night I was delayed leaving work and kept him waiting for around fifteen min. When I entered the car I noticed that he was very stressed. He began an angry anxious rant at me about me being late and keeping him waiting like a mug on the street. The rant went on for over a half hour. I listened and tried To acknowledge him by saying things like “I know” “I understand” which seemed to aggravate him more. It eventually passed but I felt empty and sad and teary. It’s the day after and I feel disconnected and detached from him and want space. He notices something is wrong but I keep pretending that I’m okay.How do I ground myself again? How do I discuss my concerns after the event?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[LoneRanger307]

That sounds like such a frustrating situation, to be stuck in the car with someone who is raging. Have you looked through the toolboxes on here yet? Are either of you in therapy?

I find walking away has been helpful when by BPD is upset, but that's pretty hard to do in a car! I wonder if discussing boundaries with him might help? He has a boundary around being rigid around time and schedules. Maybe you could ask him about what he would like you to do in the future when you're going to be running late? Sometimes its just something that we can't control.

What usually makes you feel better when you are emotionally drained? What refills your cup?