He’s putting all the blame on me

[blackorchid]

Me and my non diagnosed partner have been together for 15 years. He seems to cycle every 9 months. Last year was his longest episode. He dis regulated in June, moved out July 1st and finally came home in November.

Since then we have been fine. Until August 8th. His family always seem to be a trigger for him. From what I have been able to put together about his childhood it has been stressful to say the least.


He said that his family was coming at the weekend but mine were also planning to come on the Sunday night for one night only before we flew together. He raged saying whose family is more Important. I forget about all the tools and lessons and in the heat of the moment I JADEd

Thinks for far out of control. He left for work in the morning and didn’t come back. I flew to England on the monday August 12th and have been here ever since. Tomorrow I fly back home.

He has told me that whilst I have been here that he has moved out. When I ask him where to he says it’s none of my business and don’t try to control him.


If I say I’m sure we can sort things out and talk. He says don’t try to control me.

Today he has messaged. Saying that in November I apologised but i did everything the same again. That everything is my Failt. I have ruined his life. I have given him too many problems. Even talking to him on WhatsApp gives him a headache.

Please can someone advise me what to do.

I want to send him a message saying it was just an argument you don’t need to move out. Etc. But I know he will just say I’m controlling him.

The thought of opening the door to an empty apartment is killing me.

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[Red5]

Hello blackorchid,

Been following your threads,

You can’t control him, you can’t change his mind or fix him, if he has moved out, the best thing you can do is to go about your business, leave “the door open” for him, but don’t be a doormat.

I understand you live in Turkey, that’s soemthing that may be different as far as I understand, I also understand that you are English (UK).

Do you speak the language?, do you live in the culture... if you wanted, is there a therapist available?... lots of questions come to my mind.

Since then we have been fine. Until August 8th. His family always seem to be a trigger for him. From what I have been able to put together about his childhood it has been stressful to say the least.

I’d look into this with a therapist, look for clues from his childhood, that may explain his adult behaviors... as in how could you help him to regulate his emotions, behaviors.

Is he “passive aggressive” to you, do you feel that their could be a threat of physical violence,again, what are the laws about this in Turkey?

Again, you can’t control him, or fix him... sounds like he has a lot going on, and it may be Foo related.

Take care of yourself, be guarded... get back home, survey the surroundings, take inventory, and get on with your daily life, I wouldn't pursue... sounds like he is very dysregulated and dealing with his own stuff, which I doubt has much to do with you.

Self care, and caution...

Red5