Dissociation

[Summer7777]

My marriage of 14 years is close to the end.  I’ve pulled away and I’ve told him I’m done.  But I’m not done because I keep hoping for things to get better.  The problem is he seems like he has begun dissociating more and more.  He started cross dressing a couple years ago.  He made up a drag name-Serena.  We got into an argument the other day when he said something about Serena as if she was a real person.  I told him she isn’t a real person.  It’s him in a costume.  He argued with me extensively about it until I gave up.

Lately, he has been obsessed with the concept of time and energy.  He thinks he can build a time machine and defy the laws of physics.  He sounds like a crazy person.  When I talk to him, he is seemingly checked out and thinking about this other stuff.  He gets annoyed at me for interrupting his thoughts.  When I get upset and start talking loudly, he shuts down completely.  Last night he started shaking and said he needed to go to sleep because I scare him.  All I did was try to get him to understand why I think our marriage is falling apart.  He just can’t cope and so he either dissociates or shuts down.  I don’t even know how to reach him anymore.  I see his mental health deteriorating every time I try to get him to problem solve with me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ColdKnight]

I am learning more and more about why logical people cannot seem to let go of people why exhibit this type of behavior. I have always been able to walk away and now I have met the first one that I can’t.

They make you feel so good at the beginning and then once they feel you are hooked they start the push pull. You find yourself starving for that one nugget of attention. Just that one text. That one sign of affection.

I didn’t know anything about any of this when I first met her. I just thought she was a sweet shy girl who had some insecurities. I saw the red flags and I ignored them. Lies in the beginning that I didn’t call her on because I didn’t want to shake things up.

[Summer7777]

Exactly right.  Why can’t I just leave?  I scheduled marriage counseling last week.  He didn’t show up.  He said he forgot.  I told him I’m leaving.  He cried and begged me to not leave him.  I told him I’ll give him one more chance.  I scheduled another appointment.  They called him to tell him we haven’t met our deductible and it will be $80.  He told them call and tell me.  I said ok. 

He said let’s go to yoga together instead.  I said no. He said he’ll only go if I pay for it.  I said I’ll pay half.  He said he doesn’t know if he can leave work tomorrow for it.  He makes his own schedule and I scheduled it on his lunch break.  I told him he better be there or I’m divorcing him.  He said then I better call and remind him.  I said I will even though I shouldn’t have to because he is an adult.  He said his mind will be on more important stuff.  I said because our marriage isn’t a priority to you.  He said, “ Counseling isn’t a priority.  My marriage is.”

[ColdKnight]

Hi Summer,

What’s the latest?