Any chance to belittle me

[Chosen]

I don't really understand why he takes every chance there is to belittle me.  Say I did something wrong/ not in the way he wants me to, instead of just saying I'm wrong, he would say "you're always doing things by half, you do everything so terribly", and "that's why you're such a failure", "you never make an effort to do anything", etc.  You get the idea.  Doesn't matter how big or little the "fault" is.  It could be I simply forgot something, or because that's my usual way of doing things and he doesn't agree with it.  It's never just "you did it wrong, you do it xyz next time", or (better still) "maybe you can do it in this xyz way".  It's always an attack on me personally.  Everything I do reflects how rubbish a person I am.

And if I try to JADE, of course it makes things worse.  He will say I refuse to accept criticism, if I'm so perfect in doing everything then why is the result so bad... I mean, does he get some sort of "high" believing that he woman he married is a terrible person?  Really?

And is there any way to minimise these things from happening besides being perfect (ha, ha) and "letting it go", ignoring the comments (even though it hurts inside) when he does it? 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[alittleawkward]

Hi Chosen, well done for reaching out.

How long have you been with your partner for? Condescending chat can be really degrading and damaging to one's character. Have you tried not acknowledging these comments, so to not give your partner a reaction? Or telling him that he's upset you and you don't want to talk until he's apologised or understood that what he's said isn't how you wished to be talked down to?

Some more context might be helpful. At the moment it sounds very bitter and unpleasant. All the best to you. Stay strong!

[Rev]

And is there any way to minimise these things from happening besides being perfect (ha, ha) and "letting it go", ignoring the comments (even though it hurts inside) when he does it? 

Have you read Stop Walking On Eggshells?  It can be found for free on youtube in Audio.

Very informative.

[Chosen]

Thanks to alittleawkward and Rev for replying.  I have on here for quite a number of years and have read Stop Walking on Eggshells (although yeah, it may be time to re-read the book cos it's been a while).  While I have learnt tools to stop things from escalating (and they do help, I must say... when they're helping I don't notice it, but when I forget the tools... boy do I realise how much they help), we all know that we can't change other people. 

So he can have all these verbal attacks on me and it reflects the way he thinks, and I find that the less reaction I give the better; the sooner he will stop the attacks (I guess not a lot of satisfaction on a person who doesn't react to them).  But it still hurts to hear those words and even though by being mindful I can sort of talk myself into not hurting too much -knowing that his words are used a weapon and don't have much deep meaning, it still hurts for a little while.  Being human, it's hard to not think about the things he says/ does from time to time. 

So I'm just wondering if there's more that I should be doing to minimise such incidences.  "having a chat" with him won't help, as the more you show that you're hurt by these words, the more he will use them when he wants a reaction from you.