Blocked, unread or read messages

[Totally-confused]

After reading a lot on these boards Im just wondering if when anyone’s bpd partner/ex/family member cuts them off and gives silent treatment... do they actually read your messages and ignore them or just not even bother reading them? Mine don’t appear to be getting read but she won’t block me?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[strugglingBF]

I can tell you that my GF, in particular, tells me all the time she doesn't read my texts.  She only says that by the way when I send one with important information about my feelings, or maybe how she is making me feel (which usually is not good at the time).  I know it isn't true and that she is lying.  There is no way my "have to know everything" GF is not reading those texts.  She only says that when she wants me to think I am not important enough for her to read them.  I usually move on.  By the way, she has also cited things to me that I said in some of those texts that she supposedly didn't read.  She is so predictable. 

[Totally-confused]

Thank you for the reply,

Does she take off her read receipts? As that is the only explanation I can come up with as to why the messages are still grey ticked?

How long does it usually take for her to stop punishing you and message?

This is all very confusing!

[strugglingBF]

We have iphones, so it does show as read.  My messages always show as read, even when she claims to not have read them.  All that showing "read" means is that our text thread is visible on her screen.   My GF will block me though and then the messages don't even show as being delivered.  She has blocked me numerous times, but those messages aren't even being delivered so I know she doesn't see those.  It is the ones where we are in a heated text exchange that she lies about not reading. 

My GF has never blocked me or ignored me for more than a few hours.  She is too mouthy not to say something mean or disrespectful for that long when she is upset or raging.  She actually hangs up on me fairly regularly as well.  Funny thing is, she will hang up on me then proceed to send me long winded text after long winded text with all kinds of terrible stuff in them.  So confusing...why hang up then text the crap out of me?  My old therapist said that the texting thing is a common BPD trait...long winded texts in particular.   

[once removed]

a good rule of thumb is to dial it back if someone isnt responding. they may need some space.

whats going on? what message are you trying to send that she isnt reading?

[strugglingBF]

In my case, she claims not to read texts when they have information about how her action hurt my feelings.  Also, at times I just share my feelings in general or things I may not be happy with.  I am going to make another post on this, because it is probably one of the things I struggle with most in my relationship, but she want all her items (things I need to change) addressed first...then she will re-engage in the relationship.  So if I bring something up, even calmly, that addressed her behavior that hurts me she will shut down. 

[Totally-confused]

a good rule of thumb is to dial it back if someone isnt responding. they may need some space.
whats going on? what message are you trying to send that she isnt reading?

Basically the last message I received was her not feeling well and was going to go back to sleep, then nothing for a week. I know she is alive and well as she is posting on Facebook.

I’ve tried to contact her asking her if she is ok and tried to reassure her and the only thing she has done is block me on Instagram.

Any advice on where to go from here would be kindly received.

[Totally-confused]

So if I bring something up, even calmly, that addressed her behavior that hurts me she will shut down. 

Sorry to hear this, I suppose it’s like invalidating the way you feel. From what I have picked up she may feel a lot of shame regarding this and maybe why she shuts down?

The only thing I have mentioned about the way I feel is that It has left me really confused about what’s happened and why she has suddenly disappeared without a word. But as far as I am aware she hasn’t read them on WhatsApp as they are still grey ticked. I’m thinking she may just be deleting them as soon as they come through rather than clicking into them to read them.

[Anonym2806]

Basically the last message I received was her not feeling well and was going to go back to sleep, then nothing for a week. I know she is alive and well as she is posting on Facebook.

I’ve tried to contact her asking her if she is ok and tried to reassure her and the only thing she has done is block me on Instagram.

Any advice on where to go from here would be kindly received.

Hey,

I had the same. She blocked me on insta, whatsapp but not on imessage. At the beginning, she let the "read" notice and after a few messages without answer, she removed it.
After 3 months, she just came back with apologize, then she talked to me again and sent me pictures of her during 10 days and now, it's again silence. But I'm notified again for the messages that she read.
It's like a game but just let her, don't message her and wait. She will reach you later. Probably in a few days/weeks or months. You never know.

[Totally-confused]

I had the same. She blocked me on insta, whatsapp but not on imessage. At the beginning, she let the "read" notice and after a few messages without answer, she removed it.

Yeah, I sent a couple of messages and tried to call a couple of times but no response. She’s blocked me on Instagram but not on anything else. She just won’t respond. So I have ceased communication.

I am sharing things on FB as normal and she is viewing my stories and things like that but no reaction to them.

We live pretty far from each other so it’s unlikely we will run into each other so it would be down to her to reach out to me.

I would like to see where things could go with this girl, but If that is to happen she needs to be able to communicate even when things are overwhelming. It’s so frustrating that they shut you out because they fear abandonment yet I had no intentions of going anywhere.

[Anonym2806]

Yeah, I sent a couple of messages and tried to call a couple of times but no response. She’s blocked me on Instagram but not on anything else. She just won’t respond. So I have ceased communication.

I am sharing things on FB as normal and she is viewing my stories and things like that but no reaction to them.

We live pretty far from each other so it’s unlikely we will run into each other so it would be down to her to reach out to me.

I would like to see where things could go with this girl, but If that is to happen she needs to be able to communicate even when things are overwhelming. It’s so frustrating that they shut you out because they fear abandonment yet I had no intentions of going anywhere.

I understand your feelings.
Me too, she lives 1000 km from me.
The only way is to wait. Make your time profitable for you. This is the only way.
You will have a different view after that and you will learn to protect your mind and your heart.
My last messages to her were rough but right. I didn't show feelings from me. Until she reach me properly. And I mean in person. If she wants something back, she has to meet me again.
And me too, if I have to go back into this RS, the only way is to communicate in the right way. Show her you don't car and she will come back. If she read your stories on FB (Mine she also read my stories on ig with a random account), let her know you live your life without her (try to not make her doubt on you, like showing with other girls or drunk, etc...). Show her you are in good place.

[Totally-confused]

I understand your feelings.
Me too, she lives 1000 km from me.
The only way is to wait. Make your time profitable for you. This is the only way.
You will have a different view after that and you will learn to protect your mind and your heart.
My last messages to her were rough but right. I didn't show feelings from me. Until she reach me properly. And I mean in person. If she wants something back, she has to meet me again.
And me too, if I have to go back into this RS, the only way is to communicate in the right way. Show her you don't car and she will come back. If she read your stories on FB (Mine she also read my stories on ig with a random account), let her know you live your life without her (try to not make her doubt on you, like showing with other girls or drunk, etc...). Show her you are in good place.

That should be easy enough, I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings. I have had to do it when going through a pretty nasty break up previously. Thank you for the advice.

[once removed]

Is it possible for this returning friend to be her new favourite person in a non sexual way? Or potentially could there be something going on between them? Or has she just been telling me everything I wanted to hear?

do you know if there was ever a romantic history between them?

[Totally-confused]

do you know if there was ever a romantic history between them?

Not that I am aware of but she did show me a picture and said isn’t she pretty. Also they had fallen out for a while and she didn’t mention why so possibly?

I have since sent her a message saying I won’t message again since she hasn’t responded, that is was her loss and to take care.

Still she hasn’t removed or blocked me. Just a wall of silence.