Parent now sibling with BPD

[MartingaleB]

Hello. I am new to BPD Central. This is my first post.

I am the elder of two children of a long suspected but never confirmed BPD+NPD mother. Our family went through a very traumatic time as mother's symptoms ramped up due to various circumstances. Mother was abusive to me, brother, and father through the 90s and early 2000s. Her abuse caused ongoing trauma for each of us. Eventually, through college and beyond, I found myself estranged from mother, and that was honestly for the best. I began to heal in small ways, although not entirely.

In the past 2.5 years, however, my younger brother has been increasingly exhibiting symptoms not only of C-PTSD (which is diagnosed) but also BPD. He has made five suicide attempts during that period. We talk regularly, and I try to be as supportive as I can, but he has isolated himself over time and his support system consists of only me and our father. Most recently, father and I have struggled with getting brother back into therapy and seeing a psychiatrist.

Brother's neurologist did brain wave scans and said the results are consistent with BPD patients. This is not a diagnosis, per se, but it does point us toward further help we need in addressing his issues.

I am personally feeling broken down in all of this. I want to be his resource, but I cannot find the necessary strength. Any advice on multiple family occurrences of BPD are appreciated, and if you have insight as to nature vs. nurture passing down of BPD traits and symptoms, also appreciated.

Thank you, Martingale

[zachira]

Welcome to BPD family and I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. It hurts my heart to hear that you likely have a mother and brother with BPD and other mental health challenges. You would like to hear from others that have more than one family member with BPD. My mother and two siblings and several other relatives surely would meet the criteria for BPD with narcissistic traits if they have been/were to be diagnosed by a competent mental health professional. On both sides of my family, there are many members from up to six generations who are mentally ill. You say that your mother likely meets the criteria for NPD and your brother has been diagnosed with C-PTSD. From my experience, two people diagnosed with the same mental illness can present very differently and oftentimes more than one mental illness is involved as people with mental illness often marry each other, especially those with personality disorders.
I personally feel that my brother and sister are very much like my mother: lots of raging, being angry for no apparent reason, always blaming someone else for their anger, constant bad mouthing of all kinds of people, and never taking responsibility for their behaviors. The strategy that has worked the best for me is to limit my contact with my relatives with BPD and to not talk about my life with them, basically not be around to be one of the targets of their anger and lies, while hoping they find someone else/something else to blame their dysregulated feelings on. Years of personal therapy have been the most helpful in learning to feel comfortable in my own skin and not take personally the distressing behaviors of my family members with BPD most of the time. Do not lose heart, as many of us who post here, once felt broken down by the challenges of having family members with BPD, and with time and facing the challenges are now better able to deal with the trauma and pain to the point that overall we are doing much better.
What do you feel are your biggest challenges with your mother and brother? How can we be the most helpful? We are here to listen and support you and and admire your strength in posting here.