High functioning

[Lovealways86]

 
My partner with BPD is super high functioning. I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m reading books and waiting to use the techniques and I can never get ahead.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Adrian26]

Welcome!

Can you tell us a little bit more about which aspects of the high functioning you find most difficult?

My BPD ex is high functioning as well. What I found the hardest was actually realizing how much difficulties she was coping with, since she presented such a powerful, intelligent and succesful persona to the world. I treated her like I would treat any other girl, since I was only superficially aware of her psychological issues. If only I had known the depths of her wounds and trauma earlier...

This might sound bitter, but her functioning highly also made many people in her social life utterly clueless about some of her traits. Only her parents, brother and a few best friends knew- and her ex loved ones. Since she functioned so perfectly outside of intimate relationships, it also took me a very long while to realize it was not just me damaging our relationship. Friends and family at some point said: how can anyone so intelligent be so very clueless or sabotaging in many ways?

Take care of yourself, keep on reading, and trust your gut.

[khibomsis]

  Lovealways86, and welcome to the family!

I feel with you both, I've been there. My mom was high functioning too. Nobody who met her at work or in public would ever have believed what she was like at home. I guess it was her way of coping, she built up this whole other persona and left her problems at home. Needless to say that left us who loved her in equal parts neglected and subject to rage.

Other passions become an escape, I suppose, so high functioning can also be very high avoidant. You can't change her. But working on yourself and centering yourself in your life, ironically, is one sure way of getting their attention.   When she sees you've stopped running after her, she will come fetch you, don't worry. Any hobbies or people you've neglected lately? Now is the time to get back to them.

 
Khib