Accused of having BPD

[Missmouse]

Has anyone themselves been accused of having BPD by the person with BPD. For example, my ex would often do things he knew were hurtful and would make me very jealous and uncomfortable. He would still do them. He would push buttons until I exploded. Then I get accused of having anger issues and a personality disorder.

Or maybe we both had BPD...

I have hives and a rash from this last breakup. He's always PLEASE READing with my head, then calling me paranoid for thinking he's PLEASE READing with my head.

[Turkish]

Do you think you have BPD?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

Early on, my ex tried to send me to a couple's communication class by myself, and later abandoned me in joint therapy twice. Because I was the prpblem.  I have some issues, I was raised by a mother with BPD and other things.  When I was 12, my mother also abandoned me in what was supposed to be family therapy. It never occurred to me that I ended up in the same dynamic almost 30 years later.  

It's hard to have perspective while in such relationships given the level of conflict and high emotions.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Missmouse,  Welcome!  It's quite doubtful that you have BPD.  If you did, you wouldn't be writing about it on this site, in my view.  It sounds like pure projection on the part of your Ex.  Sure, many of us (including me) have been bullied and goaded by our BPD SO to the point of lashing out in response to their behavior.  I'm not proud of some of the things I did, but I note that the behavior disappeared after we parted ways.  Subsequent relationships have been calm and respectful.  I suggest you you take the BPD allegation with a grain of salt.

As Turkish suggests, BPD relationships can get challenging by virtue of the high level of conflict.

LuckyJim

[keyboardpusher]

I can definitely relate to this. I was frequently called a monster, in a several different ways, by my ex wife (diagnosed with BPD). One thing that is helpful to me is to think about my other relationships: coworkers, family, friends. Do you have similar conflicts with them? Are these relationships healthy more or less? I don't think it is very common to have BPD and be able to have healthy long-term relationships with other people (unless they are being treated for BPD and have made progress).

On another note, what do you feel when you are accused of having BPD? Are you afraid that if this is true than all the relationship problems were your fault (this is how I felt)? This is not true, and wouldn't be true even if you did have BPD. That said, I think it is very common to have realizations, looking back, that you probably could have handled certain situations better. But don't beat yourself up about it, look at it as an opportunity to grow. A therapist or social worker can help with this, but there are also a lot of other resources that can help. One thing I am working on is learning how to be more assertive when communicating. I'm not sure I would have ever done this if I hadn't been in a relationship with a person with BPD.