Never satified. What does she want?

[acornplane]

It's anger and frustration 24/7, from the time she wakes up, until she sleeps. Everyday, for years!

She says she wants something, usually a major life change. But when it happens...nothing changes. She's still angry. Still frustrated. Never happy or content.

I'm starting to think that she is happy being unhappy. Is that the case?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[GoblinMom]

The majority of people who have BPD have a gene that causes them to have 20-30% less dopamine than other people.  Dopamine is anti stress, anti anxiety, and it involves feeling reward.  So if you have less dopamine things that are usually rewarding are less rewarding to them.

[Gemsforeyes]

Dear acornplane-

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this level of unhappiness in your relationship.  PwBPD often have a very high level of unregulated emotions and with that, may BELIEVE (in the moment, lots of moments) that something new, better, different will relieve their internal pain... but in reality, that “thing” doesn’t change A thing.  

It can become a never-ending search for an external solution to an internal / emotional issue.

Sometimes a person needs to look herself in the mirror and realize “I don’t have to feel like this...” and be smart enough to look past her face... ask for real help.  Maybe she will.

And You can offer.  Kindly point out that she truly does NOT have to continue to feel like this; that help is available.  And pray she accepts the offer.

Perhaps that will let you know if she is happy being unhappy?  Some people are.  Her unhappiness has kept your attention focused on her, so until something changes, nothing changes.

There are a LOT of tools on this site that can assist with those changes, so you don’t need to surrender yet.



And to Goblin Mom-
I’ve studied a lot on BPD and don’t recall seeing anything other than some hypotheticals on some link between dopamine in certain BPD patients, mainly having to do with impulsiveness... unless you’re speaking about depression as a comorbidity.

GM - where did you get this information?  I’d really like to read the studies.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes