My husband has BPD and I don’t know how to be a good wife

[Kat04]

My husband has BPD and we’ve been married for 3 years. I’ve been feeling very alone and unsupported lately because I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about episodes because I don’t think they’ll understand. Sometimes he just gets so mad and I don’t want people to think he’s abusive or anything because I know he can’t always help what he says or how he reacts. I can’t ever seem to say the right things when he’s upset and i have a hard time not reacting when he’s mad. I just need help because I want to learn to be better at helping him but it feels like he’s decided I’m not comforting and always do the wrong thing even when I’m trying so hard to be helpful. I even mentioned that I’ve been needing someone to talk to who would understand and he said I was making him feel like being married to him is too hard and I should just find someone else who doesn’t have BPD. I love my husband very much and I would never leave him. I just need to talk to someone who understands how it feels to be on the other side of BPD.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[aNewNameThatsAva]

From what I've seen so far, you've come to the right place. It sounds very familiar to my situation in that whatever I do or say, it's never enough. I think almost everyone here can empathize and knows what it feels like to be on the other side.

You care so much and wish you could help, but you feel like you mess it up now at every turn. I only recently found out about this forum by reading Stop Walking on Eggshells. I found it reflected what I am living quite well. Still working on understanding it all and operationalizing the tools/suggestions that it provides, but some feedback I've seen on this site is that it's a highly recommended book (in case you haven't read it yet). People who know the site more can surely point you toward some other good resources on here. I'm starting to make my way through some now when I have some nights that are on the more quiet side.