Newly married to a woman with BPD

[rjn_88]

Hello!

Seeking help in many aspects of my life right now and have found that finding communities with similar experiences to mine are really helpful. My wife has BPD and has been through some DBT therapy. I'm mostly writing to find guidance on how to handle the ups and downs of being with her. Also the projections she puts on me can be so hard to wash myself of. I have learned that escalating her and her feelings (no matter how rational they are) can be the worst thing to do. I'm honestly getting a lot better at it. My main questions are:

1. How can I not take how hypocritical her feelings are personally? For example:
She will tell me she feels like her feelings are not heard in our relationship. The expectation on her end though knowing that she is not "heard" is that my feelings arent valid.

2. How to de-escalate her? she gets angry, easy.

3. how to encourage her to get therapy without seeming like I'm telling her how to live her life.

These are all I have for now but give me a few days, more will come up.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rev]

Hi my friend.

I am definitely not the right person to answer this question - because I made a different choice.

But my situation was abusive - so I needed to make it.

The book "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is available free on YouTube - I takes about 8 hours to listen to.

Also, check out all the great resources here.  Very, very good ones.

Happy you found this place. Full of great and caring people here.

Good luck and welcome.

Stay safe.

Rev