Hi decrs:Instead of telling your daughter that her mother likely has BPD, I'd approach it in a more neutral manner. The biggest issue with people with BPD/BPD Traits is a lack of emotional intelligence. Perhaps you want to share that your relationship with your wife has lacked in the area of emotional intelligence and that you are concerned they she (and her siblings) may have observed/learned some poor behaviors.
Share with your daughter that you want her to be successful in life and in her relationships with others and that emotional intelligence (EQ) can be more important than general intelligence (IQ). Tell her that your concern is that if the reason she is breaking up with her boyfriend is truly because he didn't return her text fast enough, that you are concerned about her reasoning.
Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:
1. Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
2. Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
3. Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.
If you Google, "best books on emotional intelligence", you will find a good book or two to provide/recommend for your daughter, with the current boyfriend issue. It might be strategic to share with your other children, as other opportune times/situations arise.
