Should I stay or should I go?

[Luv2teachgs]

This is new to me, but I’m desperate. My husband of ten years has recently been diagnosed with Borderline. He admitted there was a problem, got help, and is taking medication. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be improving, necessarily, just manifesting in different ways. And now, because he has already gotten help expects the medication to solve everything, he will not take any responsibility for any of our arguments. I have completely shut down. After ten years of hypocrisy, emotional abuse, walking on eggshells, and no win situations, I just feel like I have nothing left in me to do the work it will take to support him. I moved out after a fight that wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the outbursts I’ve been used to in the past...because I have no tolerance left. I do still love him, but there is no feeling of intimacy on my end and I do not enjoy nor feel like myself around him anymore. We have a teenage daughter to consider. She is his stepdaughter and she has also been exposed to his rages (never directly physical) but since his diagnosis and treatment THEIR relationship is much better. However, she notices the changes in me and has expressed her desire for me to be happy.
I don’t want to regret my decision and don’t want to desert him. I have physical problems which he has tolerated (though not always been supportive of...in fact sometimes the tension makes my symptoms worse) so I feel guilty for leaving him for having mental issues.
Any advice or similar experiences would be so much appreciated!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi Luv2teachgs,



I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you to our side here. I'm glad that you decided to join us - there is hope. You will find many members here that can offer you guidance and support because they can relate with your situation. Read as much as you can about the disorder you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time.

The spot that you are in is difficult because you're pondering a lot of questions and probably thinking about different possibilities in the future if you made certains choices. We're here to work with you with where you are in your current situation right now - there's always someone that is online that you can talk to but we can't tell you to decided whether to leave or stay that's a decision that you'll have to decide the path to that is not always linear and it helps to have support there along the way. You're not alone.

Did you move back? Have you moved out in the past? If you have for how long?