Social unrest is triggering H

[pursuingJoy]

Sigh. My H has been feeling intense feelings since yesterday, frustration with a program at work that is outside his control, tears of regret and sadness over his brother's suicide 20 years ago, not being more present for his 28 year old daughter when she was young, resenting me for being cold to his BPD mom and not making her feel more welcome in our home, anger at the existence of my children in the house and the fact that they've hurt his feelings because they're not more friendly, raging about my ex for being an  , and now he won't stop talking about how angry he is at the media for unfairly representing social unrest (probably THE most triggering thing for him right now). In between these obsessions, he's really lovey-dovey and affectionate.

I just needed to dump this somewhere safe. Calgon, take me away.

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[once removed]

i hear, in addition to stress, a lot of possible feelings of regret.

what do you think?

[pursuingJoy]

I think so, once removed. There is so much unaddressed emotion bottled up inside of him to begin with. I really wish some of you were in the room with me when we talk. It's been a fascinating range of rage, grief, anger, resentment, love, sadness, hurt, regret - you name it, he felt it. He also cannot name any of these things, which is interesting to me.

I don't know what to do to help, other than listen as much as I have the energy for.

[JaneWrites]

I can relate. My H is making a very good points about media and extremes, etc etc, but I wish he would write a journal article, not insist that I should be his debate partner. Because yes, it IS highly triggering for him. He wants to argue with me and then is enraged when I don't know the foundation of what very particular thing he's talking about.

I think listening and asking engaged questions (I'm going to the basics here) is a good strategy. I need to remind myself to do that because I get caught up in him just wanting to oppose me, so I need to ask more questions.

I'll be looking for other people's suggestions!

[pursuingJoy]

JaneWrites I too would like any suggestions folks have. I like the idea of asking questions. My H seems to want to vent more than he wants me to debate, honestly. Asking questions is a great way to show interest and show that I care.

I also do an occasional gut check to make sure I'm still ok to listen. After a while I feel oversaturated with the intensity and negativity and I have to stop.

Once in a while, I can find an 'in' to casually change the subject and re-route. Other times I have to say, "I enjoy these conversations but I'd love to get some house cleaning done before bed. Let's chat for another ten minutes and then I'm going to get started on cleaning."

[bated]

Sigh. My H has been feeling intense feelings since yesterday, frustration with a program at work that is outside his control, tears of regret and sadness over his brother's suicide 20 years ago, not being more present for his 28 year old daughter when she was young, resenting me for being cold to his BPD mom and not making her feel more welcome in our home, anger at the existence of my children in the house and the fact that they've hurt his feelings because they're not more friendly, raging about my ex for being an  , and now he won't stop talking about how angry he is at the media for unfairly representing social unrest (probably THE most triggering thing for him right now). In between these obsessions, he's really lovey-dovey and affectionate.

I just needed to dump this somewhere safe. Calgon, take me away.

I hear you, my now exBPDgf took it way further.  She posted on Facebook that the police should shoot the protestors on a public police group.  She also went and bought a gun with a ton of ammo. 

The fact that she owns a gun worries me for obvious reasons.

[pursuingJoy]

I hear you, my now exBPDgf took it way further.  She posted on Facebook that the police should shoot the protestors on a public police group.  She also went and bought a gun with a ton of ammo. 

The fact that she owns a gun worries me for obvious reasons.

bated, oh my.

I really feel that this pandemic has intensified already existing depression and anxiety, affecting even people with a normal emotional bandwidth.