Marriage on the rocks. Husband newly diagnosed with BPD.

[RLH]

Hello, this is my first post. My husband and I have been married for 19 years. 15 of which he has cheated off and on. We first thought he was a sex addict (maybe he is? I don't know) but the last infidelity was the first that was emotional as well as physical. He's struggled with chemical addictions during this time as well. He's been sober from alcohol for 3 years and just recently stopped smoking marijuana. We've been in recovery from his last infidelity for 2 years. I'm ready to leave but the kids, finances and my compassion and love for him is keeping me here. I believe in the past I stayed because I was co-dependent and scared. I've done EMDR for the last two years and feel so much confidence and strength coming back. However, interactions with him are still pretty volatile and confusing. He's not able to empathize which is one of the key ingredients of rebuilding trust and repairing after infidelity. I also do individual therapy and have been in a few women's groups. We've attended multiple couples workshop and have been in marriage counseling for years. He is in a men's group for Out of Control Sexual Behavior and is now doing DBT with his individual therapist. I'm loosing patience. I get angry and elevated when he behaves in emotionally/psychologically abusive ways towards me and then I'm not very kind to him. I'm having a hard time keeping my cool and I know when I get angry it just triggers his BPD. I've contacted a lawyer, put money aside for divorce, and am meeting with a post-divorce financial planner but I really didn't/don't want to do life without him. I know if I can't keep my sanity I will have to leave but it's definitely not what I want to do. I have no interest in joining the dating world again as a 40 year old. I have no interest in only having my children part-time. I'm happy to have found a support group. Thanks for letting me share.

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