i need help

[oscarine356]

my first post.
i cannot yet stay totally calm when being subjected to blame.
I am/have been scared to set boundaries.

my heart starts pounding and I feel fear when he gets into a hostile mood, and I stay on edge till it s over.

the only boundary that I have set is that he used to demand my engagement/wedding rings back when angry, (when I said no, he threatened to call the police, so I was nt able to refuse)

I got so angry that I sat downstairs in the middle of the night.
he came down and asked nicely what was wrong.
I said...and I could hear in my own voice, to my surprise , how much I meant it, that if he did it again, I would buy a cheap gold wedding ring to wear, which was my property and could nt be taken off me, and only wear engagement ring for special evenings when he would nt take it off me.

He never did that again.

I now want to say, and want to assert it this friday, that we take both cars on holiday and drive separately, after numerous abusive car journeys. Last time I said I was getting a taxi home from a holiday, he threatened to call the police and say I was mentally ill and endangering our small daughter and he would have me arrested. I got in the car.

I do not know if I will be able to carry this through on friday.

I do love him, and I know it is an illness, and he feels much worse than I in these moods.  The walking on eggshells book helped amazingly, transformed the way I deal with it, but clearly I m not the dalai lama yet, and do sometimes gett annoyed after an event .

thank you.
 

 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi oscatine356,

The walking on eggshells book helped amazingly, transformed the way I deal with it, but clearly I m not the dalai lama yet, and do sometimes gett annoyed after an event .

I'm glad to hear that the WOE book has helped you - continue reading about BPD it will help you with healing and dealing with BPD behaviours.

Professionals that help treat pwBPD ( people with BPD ) are not with their patients around the clock like we are in they probably don't feel like the dalai lama yet. I'm so glad that you decided to reach out that's a big first step. I'm can completely relate with how difficult road trips are with a pwBPD pwBPD don't handle stress very well and I recall my uBPDexw used to get emotionally dysregulated on road trips and I was like a lightning rod for her stress.

What's your support system like in real life?

How did you find out about WOE?