You have several different questions swirling around in here.
1. How to maintain NC or LC with disordered/upset family members.
2. Should you support another adult.
3. If you choose to support another adult, what is the best way to do so. (to help them grown through it and not become dependent)
Which of these would you like to focus on?
A support system is critical. What does yours look like?
It's obvious you have an awesome hubby...what does the rest of your support system look like.
Best,
FF