Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 29, 2024, 05:07:59 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Went NC with FOO need support  (Read 343 times)
CampingGirl

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Relationship status: stressful
Posts: 5


« on: November 09, 2020, 10:01:00 AM »

Hello, quick background: I am 45 yrs old, happily married to a man that means the world to me.  Both parents died before I was 19. Oldest sister wBPD is 55, middle sister is 49.  OS developed BPD and bipolar I about 17 years ago. Ever since then, me and MS have been codependently taking care of OS. Giving so much financially, emotionally, giving so much attention and support. Had a big fight with MS 6 years ago since she was being horrible to my husband, she blamed him because he realized the sick toxic drama triangle and was not happy with me financially supporting another adult. MS yelled at my husband, and I finally cut her off.  So relieved and happy ever since! My marriage improved so much!
However OS would not let it go, always calling me crying because she cannot handle the family being split apart, dumping her emotions on me.  A few weeks ago she lashed out at my husband blaming him for all of our family’s problems and making him the bad guy. She was actually trying to make me turn against my own husband!

I was furious and I finally grew a backbone and told her I was angry and never wanted to hear her attack him like that again. I was tired of being a people pleasing doormat.

Have not heard from her since and I am relieved but of course sad.
I tried so hard,  but I don’t think my parents would have wanted me to sacrifice my life and happiness to take care of a grown adult who is almost 60.  Still struggle with a little guilt though.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Logged
beatricex
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 547


« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2020, 10:13:42 AM »

Hi CG,
This sounds like an extremely difficult situation.

I am sorry for your turmoil, but it sounds like you have taken positive steps (going no contact, establishing your boundary, you will not be a doormat, etc)

Hang onto your hubby, he sounds like a great guy  Way to go! (click to insert in post)

B
Logged
formflier
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19076



WWW
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2020, 11:57:05 AM »

Welcome

You have several different questions swirling around in here.  

1.  How to maintain NC or LC with disordered/upset family members.

2.  Should you support another adult.

3.  If you choose to support another adult, what is the best way to do so. (to help them grown through it and not become dependent)

Which of these would you like to focus on?  

A support system is critical.  What does yours look like?  

It's obvious you have an awesome hubby...what does the rest of your support system look like.

Best,

FF
Logged

CampingGirl

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Relationship status: stressful
Posts: 5


« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2020, 12:04:00 PM »

Yes my husband is a wonderful man, I am so lucky to have him.
We get along great with his family, and we have friends.
I forgot to mention that we were helping her out financially for many years, but this year I finally cut her off. It was not in a mean way at all, it’s because my husband promised his deceased mother that he would help his nephews go to college.  We could help one or the other but not both.
I think that gave her the feeling it was okay to attack us.

I have come to terms with going NC because I tried so hard to make it work,  but I just can’t do it anymore.
I do have days where I feel guilty.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!