Hi Purplerain23,
I don’t have an ex with health issues. I can understand feeling bad because an ex is having health issues.
BPD is stormy interpersonal r/s’s - a part of decent to good r/s skills is communicating without saying things directly and being able to prewar between the lines.
There are many members that have an ex with mental illness of some kind and some with traits and few with a BPD diagnosis and sometimes a BPD diagnosis is not given because of insurance purposes. To a degree having your mental illness categorized and knowing what the issue is there is effective treatment but a lot of people choose to stay sighing their comfort zone and have magical thinking - it is a choice.
I had to get a no trespass for my work ( said he wouldn’t stalk me but showed up next day )and get the church pastors and an accountability assigned to him.
Let’s flip this around now if this were to happen to you - what is the message that is between the lines? If you were to put me in a position were I have to be blunt, thats going to be on you because I’ve already telegraphed you you that it’s done and I don’t want to communicate with you.
It’s testing boundaries - I’m sorry to hear that he’s in ICU and I wish him a speedy recovery. ICU units have highly specialized doctors - you’re in the best possible care. I think that you did the right thing you showed sympathy for him but you were also firm that you’re not in a r/s role.