Welcome to the BPD family!
The ups and downs, hits and colds can be overwhelming sometimes. And I definitely know about getting defensive! Before coming here, I was a master of JADE-ing (Justify Argue Defend Explain). It’s a big no-no.
PwBPD can run hot and cold. Sometimes they can’t get enough and sometimes they want lots of space. That’s true for most people really, just amplified here. In my case, I try to listen to my husband and respect his wishes without reading too much into it. Often, it has nothing at all to do with me.
How long could it last? There’s no way to know, really. Past behavior may be an indicator though.
As for arguments, we have a lot of good advice in our forums so I’d recommend reading around. But some basic advice:
1) Don’t JADE
2) Listen with empathy
3) Validate feelings without validating the invalid (what she’s saying may not make sense but the feelings underneath are very real)
That’s a VERY simplified run-down.
How do the arguments usually start? Could you give a play-by-play of a recent incident?
