Looking for advice on a psychiatrist/psychologist who does not subscribe to CBT/DBT therapy but specializes in dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Obviously everyone's case is different, I'm not dumping on DBT/CBT - but in our specific case many years ago before CBT/DBT became "the norm" for dealing with Borderlines, she had a BPD specialist who was...we'll say "Tough Love", and it was actually really good for her learning boundaries and giving up self-harm and such.
The past decade though has been a downward slide as every psych near us just follows the same CBT/DBT method that really doesn't work - so self-injury is up, boundaries no longer exist, and she's become obsessed with the "loophole" that CBT/DBT allows her that "It's not even my fault, the doctor says people need to stop triggering me by not taking into account my emotional reality and that if you'd be more validating than the kids wouldn't get screamed at" territory.
When she's being rational, she seems to agree that she misses her old doctor who was tough on her and didn't coddle her by saying the self-harm "was a natural expression of her inner turmoil caused by others stressing her" (I'm paraphrasing) - but actually said "Look, you're a menace to society when you drive drunk, that description of the weekend sounds a lot like criminal assault, and when your children grow up they are going to hate you if you don't cut this out"...and it worked right up until that doctor died.
So I was wondering if anybody had found any BPD specialists who weren't advancing CBT/DBT specifically. Even if you didn't like them and they didn't work in your situation, they might work in ours. Anyone in North America could be a possibility, we'll make it a roadtrip with a month in the new city this summer, and then do tele-remote or figure out some longer-term plans if it seems to be helpful - kids will call it camping
edit: She's formally diagnosed, a few times, as a rather extreme case of Borderline Personality - but for the sake of the children we'd both prefer she wasn't sent to an intake facility if possible...though perhaps one could talk to her as an out-patient? Not really sure, we've avoided them like the plague since she's terrified of being institutionalized.
