I am convinced that my ex- wife wants be back

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello all,
This is my first post on this blog. The reason why I post this is that I'm really confused about my current situation. My wife decided that she wanted a divorce just over a year ago. I suspect her of suffering from BPD because of the following:
In the last years of the relationship, there were more and more mood swings where at one moment it seemed that the relationship was going well and then for some reason everything turned completely around and it seemed that discussions and fights were just for the sake of arguing. I didn't understand this and if I started a discussion and tried to argue things it only got worse. Situations like this kept getting worse where I felt like she was pushing me away more and more when she actually wanted the opposite.I certainly left a lot of things behind myself, but at one point I really got the idea that everything was up to me where she said things like that I'm just a pathetic man and I'm not good enough for her and don't deserve her.
At some point she decided that she wanted to divorce me and the final trigger in my eyes was also a potty one. Shortly after this decision, she indicated that she had doubts about this and these doubts have recurred many times over the past year. Every time we got closer, she cut it off, giving several reasons that I don't really believe. Now she has clearly indicated this again 2 weeks ago, where she now indicated that she only has the doubt because she feels sorry for me and because of the children. I don't believe this because very recently I saw real love from her towards me. After the last conversations I'm really broken because I really don't want to lose her. I still have a very strong feeling that she doesn't want this and that she took this step because I got too close to her and during our last appointment didn't met up to her expectations which I agree with.. I think I am the only one after 2 other people who really knows her. She has a very good job in which she performs excellently. I'm now wondering what's best to do. I know I have to distance myself and it's up to her now. However, I wonder if I couldn't do more to make her come to certain insights without scaring her off again. We regularly have contact because of our children.

[Davids]

Hello all,
This is my first post on this blog. The reason why I post this is that I'm really confused about my current situation. My wife decided that she wanted a divorce just over a year ago. I suspect her of suffering from BPD because of the following:
In the last years of the relationship, there were more and more mood swings where at one moment it seemed that the relationship was going well and then for some reason everything turned completely around and it seemed that discussions and fights were just for the sake of arguing. I didn't understand this and if I started a discussion and tried to argue things it only got worse. Situations like this kept getting worse where I felt like she was pushing me away more and more when she actually wanted the opposite.I certainly left a lot of things behind myself, but at one point I really got the idea that everything was up to me where she said things like that I'm just a pathetic man and I'm not good enough for her and don't deserve her.
At some point she decided that she wanted to divorce me and the final trigger in my eyes was also a potty one. Shortly after this decision, she indicated that she had doubts about this and these doubts have recurred many times over the past year. Every time we got closer, she cut it off, giving several reasons that I don't really believe. Now she has clearly indicated this again 2 weeks ago, where she now indicated that she only has the doubt because she feels sorry for me and because of the children. I don't believe this because very recently I saw real love from her towards me. After the last conversations I'm really broken because I really don't want to lose her. I still have a very strong feeling that she doesn't want this and that she took this step because I got too close to her and during our last appointment didn't met up to her expectations which I agree with.. I think I am the only one after 2 other people who really knows her. She has a very good job in which she performs excellently. I'm now wondering what's best to do. I know I have to distance myself and it's up to her now. However, I wonder if I couldn't do more to make her come to certain insights without scaring her off again. We regularly have contact because of our children.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cat Familiar]

Trying to get her to come to *certain insights* is likely to scare her off.

If you want her back, be the best version of yourself, don’t pressure her, and thereby let her realize what she’s missing.