I recently shared my really sad story about my BPD ex-partner leaving me (link below)https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=352007.0My psychologist warned me to expect the first week after the break-up to be full of ups and downs.
The first few days,
I needed to remind myself that I was NOT crazy and had just been caught up in a 2 year whirlwind. So I distracted myself by reading every book in existence to explain the BDP/caretaker relationship, making sense of what just happened. It helped me enormously to get some of my power back.
There would be moments in the recent days where the sadness would hit me, and I would cry and miss my ex-partner and the "potential" of the beautiful relationship we could have had. I now know that fantasy was doomed from the start, no matter how well-intentioned we were.
Surprisingly, I am less anxious than I expected. Usually, ruminating about how my ex is, what they are doing, and what they feel causes me great anxiety. However, in therapy this week, I admitted that "knowing" what they were feeling (did they miss me as much as I missed them?) would probably not bring me the comfort my mind is seeking.
Overall, I have felt quite strong in my decision (not to return if they were to). However, I have moments of weakness where I think about them contacting me and how I would POSSIBLY resist the urge to run back to the love of my life.
Today is just a sad day as reality sets in. We will never again share in our love, feel the comfort of each other, and somehow the plans that I had for my future now must shift 180.
I found this app called " Break-up Boss ", and HIGHLY recommend for anyone struggling with a break-up (either side of the coin). I think it costs $10? But MAN, it's jammed with amazingly written witty content, tough love and hard truths. I highly recommend adding it to the tool kit (because the more tools you have, the better).
I wish grief were more linear.
