So lost

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Just an update, I have not had any communication with my ex and feeling good as I replaced that time working on creative things. You do start to feel better and yourself again with time and look back with a completely different lens, without the things that keep you attached, the memories, the sense of loss & of how much you've invested, the fear that you may not find someone, and so on. Those do go away. Sometimes it feels strange simply because of the contrast to the amount of space the bpd took up, emotionally. It was drama, a big presence that is so in contrast to being on your own. What you seem to be left with though is a need to clean house, to see all the relationships and interactions in your life that are toxic or have been toxic in your past, and a need to rebuild a different peaceful space altogether.
I don't feel lonely but I do feel alone in life at times, and I think there's something to that which draws us to bpd's. Part of the love bombing is to offer you the feeling of connection, of family, of understanding. I also sometimes feel discarded now. Not just by him and former exes but by my parents and by my teenage children. There are core feelings you may have had all along but are reactivated with the relationship and remain as triggers. It's important to work on them. One day at a time.

[Kelly2022]

Just an update, I have not had any communication with my ex and feeling good as I replaced that time working on creative things. You do start to feel better and yourself again with time and look back with a completely different lens, without the things that keep you attached, the memories, the sense of loss & of how much you've invested, the fear that you may not find someone, and so on. Those do go away. Sometimes it feels strange simply because of the contrast to the amount of space the bpd took up, emotionally. It was drama, a big presence that is so in contrast to being on your own. What you seem to be left with though is a need to clean house, to see all the relationships and interactions in your life that are toxic or have been toxic in your past, and a need to rebuild a different peaceful space altogether.
I don't feel lonely but I do feel alone in life at times, and I think there's something to that which draws us to bpd's. Part of the love bombing is to offer you the feeling of connection, of family, of understanding. I also sometimes feel discarded now. Not just by him and former exes but by my parents and by my teenage children. There are core feelings you may have had all along but are reactivated with the relationship and remain as triggers. It's important to work on them. One day at a time.

[Sayingwhentous]

Reading your post it seems we are leading parallel lives! Except I was not married tg. I had never been in any relationship (married 7 years and a long term 10 year) where my partner treated me like this. Constant accusations of looking at other men and flirting

[khibomsis]

Kelly2022, so glad that you are feeling better and getting on with your life! I am sure that going medium chill with your mother is supporting your healing as well. Stress tends to store in the body and is causes more ill health than we imagine. All things considered, it sounds like a great time to focus on you, your career and your creativity. The more so if you have been short of opportunity for this deep concentration up to now. When you feel great about yourself, the right person will come along. In the meantime, would you really give up your newfound energy for what you had? The only person you can ever truly feel sure about is yourself. Partners come and go but feeling great about yourself and your achievements is priceless.
 

[Kelly2022]

My first post on this site was back in May. I had been in an off and on state with my ex for a few years before that. In therapy I came to the realization that my mother was exhibiting many of the same behaviours in much more hidden way, especially hidden from the social sphere. He has much less control over his behaviour and I had thought this illness was always easy to see.
 
Since before May we have been broken up and I have been in a slow process of trying to move on. After a difficult grieving process, the only thing that has made me feel centred has been focusing on my art. After years of not really being together, I still feel completely shut off from the idea of dating. If I continue on this path I think I may end up alone, which, if you have a full life, feels liberating and lonely all at once.
With time I have felt at peace, have run into him and haven’t felt any differently.. He put in an effort and charm that is very rare to find but I’ve been ok with my decision since the bad unpredictable times were not worth it. Sometimes I feel as if something is wrong with me for not feeling anger towards his cheating etc. when I think of him it’s bittersweet, as if we had a true connection.. I wonder why I feel that he still cares and his constant need for validation is his handicap. I carry this feeling with the logical belief that leaving was the healthiest thing for me to do.
Last night after so long, he returned some of the more meaningful gifts I had given him. All of a sudden I’m taken back to where I was half a year ago, sad, disoriented.
I have carried on with my life but will I fully move on emotionally from this?

[Turkish]

My first post on this site was back in May. I had been in an off and on state with my ex for a few years before that. In therapy I came to the realization that my mother was exhibiting many of the same behaviours in much more hidden way, especially hidden from the social sphere.

One of our former moderators was fond to quip, "all roads lead to
PSI  we will welcome you there 

What do you think happened for him to do this after all of this time? How long have you been NC?