I am helping myself recover by reminding myself of strange and odd behaviours

[SurvivalGuy]

I’ve been talking to a psychologist to help with understanding what I experienced and she basically said there’s no point trying to understand, they are not rational like us. This got me reflecting on some strange and odd behaviours I either forgotten or ignored. I find it helps me with recovery and the whole “dodged a bullet” thing my close family and friends keep telling me. I’ve listed below some that come to mind. Hoping you guys have some to share as well.

- Laying in bed together watching a movie and out of nowhere she said “I think you have a brain tumour”

- The crazy eyes. It’s hard to explain, some folks here might know what I’m talking about, but basically glazed, intense bulging eyes. She did this when she was asking me about marriage and if I would ever get remarried.

- She wanted to PLEASE READ me in the car park after a dinner date. She thought I was looking at some other female in the restaurant and she was very jealous so thought having sex in a busy carpark was a great idea.

- Breaking up because I didn’t cook dinner one night. She said it was abuse and like I had cheated on her and smeared me as the worst person alive to her friends.

- The day she drove to my place to collect her things a few days after our breakup she was white as a ghost, looked like death, moving really slow, and was completely out of it. I think this might’ve been disassociation (I don’t know enough about it though) but my god I’ve never seen anything like it.

- Jealous of my mother cooking me Lasagne.

More will come to mind but please share your examples. I’ve really struggled with my mental health since the break up and thought I was going insane and had issues. I’m not perfect but goddam I’m not insane.

[Rev]

Hi Survival,

What a trip eh?

My-ex would come up with zingers out of the blue all the time.

Here's a link to a thread that many of us have contributed.

Rev

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=329294.msg13002088#msg13002088

[thepixies21]

I feel you. You can probably read my latest posts to get some wild stuff. A grown adult ripping a Nintendo console out of the wall and saying he's going to throw it away because the controller button wouldn't work, then a few hours later playing it happily after fixing it and pretending like nothing happened. He had a bad ear infection, smoked weed to control the pain even though he became psychotic with it before and shockingly became psychotic again and alienated us from all of our neighbors. I think we're all in the same boat, it's a bewildering disease, and it's sad that they struggle like they do. But I'm doing my best to practice some loving detachment and recognizing how my behaviors have allowed him to continue down this path, and taking care of myself is the only way we are both every going to have a chance at healing, whether that's together or not. I hope you get the peace you deserve. :-)

[SurvivalGuy]

Mine was more on the quiet BPD so nothing crazy like that. Just small outbursts

[SurvivalGuy]

Thanks for the link Rev. trawling through it now.

[Manic Miner]

Here's mine that came to mind.

I was giving our daughter breakfast in the mornings, like I always did, but my then W felt something else. Apparently my daughter was facing me in the morning far too much for her liking:

- I don't see her entire face... turn her towards me more so I can see her. She's facing you too much - said in highly annoyed, calm_but_ready_to_explode voice. We had no fights prior or anything going on. She just snapped, probably tortured by her own thoughts. For me this was on par with "you are stealing my air" kind.

During sleep, I hugged her belly with my arm. However, she found that was not enough, not what she hoped for (sex) so instead of arousing me or cuddling, she threw my arm backwards and said I never loved her. I was barely awake to see what was happening, but was loud enough to hear.

During our last years together, she rarely approached me for intimacy, to say something nice about me or my looks, like she used to do years before. Instead, she was like a forever hurt side that was counting how many times I approached or kissed her, was it kind enough, how many compliments did I give her. Based on those 'calculations' I could get something or not. Suffice to say it was never enough. All good past experiences didn't exist in her mind. Only now. And it was not enough. The very process of being almost interrogated and surveilled took a heavy toll on me and my emotional life, so eventually I just quit.

[SurvivalGuy]

Wow, those a good ones, and crazy.Thanks for sharing MM.

I remember another one:

Called in sick for work because I didn’t do something the day before. I cant remember what it was but it was trivial and insignificant.